Friday, November 30, 2007

Chichester's Teddy Bear Collection

Meet my Teddy Bears. From left to right: William, Stephen, Christopher Jr. and Muhammad. How does that sound you lunatics?

"The Kingdom"

They are monsters living in a desert.

According to ABC News:

"Floggings in Saudi Arabia typically take place Thursday nights outside of prisons or marketplaces. The accused is shackled and sometimes permitted to wear a single layer of clothing, like the popular Saudi tunic or dishdash.

"A police officer administers the lashes with a bamboo whip about 7 feet long. Under his arm, the officer will typically hold a copy of the Koran in order to regulate the power with which he can whip the accused."

This brutality is what awaits "the Girl From Qatif," the 19-year-old Saudi rape victim who was sentenced to six months in prison and 200 lashes for inviting her attack because she was in a parked car with a man who was not a relative.

Where is the strong condemnation of this disgusting crime committed by Saudi government thugs directly from President George W. Bush? Hardly a word.

The president of the United States can't pay attention to every human rights violation, says the skeptic.

Yes, he can.

Because in his second Inaugural address President Bush told the world the United States of America is for freedom. Everywhere. For everyone.

"The Kingdom" of Saudi Arabia is a neo-Nazi paradise. There are no political parties, no national elections, no rights endowed by our Creator.

"The Kingdom" amputates hands and feet after show trials. Their schools indoctrinate children with hate. Fifteen of the 19 terrorists who attacked our country on September 11, 2001 were from Saudi Arabia.

Merely being in a car with an unrelated male is a crime for a woman in "The Kingdom." She gets 90 lashes for it. She's a gang rape victim and because she spoke about it publicly the sentence is now 200 lashes and six months in jail from "The Kingdom's" leaders.

This is a revolting country.

Any American diplomat who describes the backward and barbaric sand trap of Saudi Arabia as "The Kingdom" should be reprimanded. Even fired.

"The Kingdom" mocks President Bush's second Inaugural. It's a minute-by-minute totalitarian state that must be shamed and humiliated into civilization as long as our United States claims it's an ally.

"Presidential" Hillary

It didn't take long before Hillary was praised for her remarks following the end of the hostage situation at her Rochester, New Hampshire campaign office. On Nutball Hardball with Chris Matthews CQ's Craig Crawford said she appeared "presidential." It was echoed by The Politico's Roger Simon, who said she "looked terrific" and "was presidential." And Amy Sullivan of Time magazine said she "sounded very presidential." Nutball Matthews, of course, agreed with them all.

Any human who believes Hillary's bland remarks, which were punctuated by multiple "uhs" as usual, amount to a presidential performance should be banned from television punditry for life. This soon-to-be forgettable event is completely irrelevant in judging presidential ability and leadership.

Hillary, though, loves it. She gets to turn it into a plus and politicize it, which she's already done by praising "young people" who work in campaigns. She's running up to New Hampshire tomorrow to thank law enforcement. And she gets to play a victim. Again.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Godfather IV: How Gov. Spitzer Caved

Hillary: My credit good enough to buy you out?

Eliot: Buy me out?

Hillary: The driver's licenses. The Clinton family wants to buy you out.

Eliot: The Clinton family wants to buy me out? No, I buy you out, you don't buy me out.

Hillary: Your proposal loses votes. Maybe we can do better.

Eliot: You think I'm skimmin' off the top, Hillary?

Hillary: You're unlucky.

Eliot: You goddamn Arkansans really make me laugh. I do you a favor and take Bill in when you're having a bad time, and now you're gonna try and push me out!

Hillary: Wait a minute. You took Bill in because the Clinton family bankrolled your campaign because the Kennedy family on the coast guaranteed his safety. Now, we're talking business, let's talk business.

Eliot: Yeah, let's talk business, Hillary. First of all, you're all done. The Clinton family don't even have that kind of muscle anymore. The Godfather's sick, right? You're getting chased out of New York by Obama and the other families. What do you think is going on here? You think you can come to my state and take over? I talked to Obama. I can make a deal with him, and still keep my driver's licenses!

Hillary: Is that why you slapped my husband around in public?

Bill: Aw, now that, that was nothin' Hillary. Eliot didn't mean nothin' by that. Yeah, sure he flies off the handle every once in a while, but me and him, we're good friends, right Eliot?

Eliot: I got a business to run. I gotta kick asses sometimes to make it run right. We had a little argument, Billy and me, so I had to straighten him out.

Hillary: You straightened my husband out?

Eliot: He was banging cocktail waitresses two at a time! Players couldn't get a drink at the table! What's the matter with you?

Hillary: I leave for New York tomorrow, think about a price.

Eliot: Son of a bitch! Do you know who I am? I'm Eliot Spitzer! I made my bones when you were going out with quarterbacks!

Bill: Wait a minute, Eliot, Eliot. I got an idea. Jimmy, you're the Consiglieri and you can talk to the Don. You can explain.

Jimmy Carter: Just a minute, now. The Don is semi-retired and Hillary is in charge of the Family business now. If you have anything to say, say it to Hillary.

(Eliot exits)

Bill: Hillary you do not come to Las Vegas and talk to a man like Eliot Spitzer like that before the debate tomorrow!

Hillary: Bill, you're my husband, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever.

Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-September 10, 2001)

Dear Jerry,

You embody why our elected officials fail to fulfill their sworn Federal duties.

Yesterday, you were asked about Governor Eliot Spitzer's abandoned proposal to provide driver's licenses to illegal aliens. You said:

"I haven't studied enough of the details . . . This is a state matter. I'm not going to say what they should do . . . It's clearly a hot potato in the sense that it's a very sensitive issue for everybody."

Jerry, are you aware of what happened in your city, the city I was born in, on September 11, 2001?

You haven't studied enough of the details Jerry? Why not? You represent over 600,000 New Yorkers, and it's been two months since the Governor announced his new, now failed, policy.

This is a state matter? Of course it is. A New York state matter. What state do you live in Jerry? North Dakota?

You're not going to say what "they" should do? Who exactly is the "they" you're referring to Jerry? It would be your fellow New Yorkers leading our state government.

It's a very sensitive issue for everybody? Thanks for providing the obvious. Why didn't you have the decency, the integrity and the honesty to state your position if this is a "sensitive issue" Jerry?

I'll tell you why. Because you're hoping Hillary is elected President and you want Governor Spitzer to appoint you to her Senate seat. You can't score political points with the Governor and his new generation of Haldemans and Ehrlichmans on the Capitol's second floor if you criticized his scheme. So it was politically convenient for you to just shut up since you know how to read the polls.

You're a member of the House Judiciary Subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism, and Homeland Security. Do you believe giving driver's licenses to illegal aliens is directly related to crime, terrorism and homeland security Jerry?

When you were sworn in last January you said:

"I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter."

Yesterday, you exemplified purpose of evasion. You ignored all enemies, foreign and domestic. You didn't well and faithfully discharge the duties of your office.

You deliberately chose to say nothing when presented with a dangerous and irresponsible idea that could lead to another horrific terrorist attack in our country. And in your city. You should be ashamed of your craven silence.


How Hillary Dishes Obama Dirt

WASHINGTON — Columnist Robert Novak stood by his story Monday that the Clinton campaign is spreading the word that it's holding back on dishing dirt on Barack Obama, and charged the Democratic frontrunner with playing "Nixon tricks."

(Clinton campaign staff meeting, November 13, 2007)

Hillary: Hey, listen to this - the Illinoisan wants to talk. Eh, imagine the nerve of the son of a bitch, eh? Craps out last night, and wants a meetin' today before the Iowa Caucuses.

Tom Haden: What did he say?

Hillary: What did he say - badda-beep, badda-bap, badda-boop, badda-beep - He wants to send Bill here to proposition and the promise is, that the deal is so good, that we can't refuse. Eh.

Tom Haden: What about Eliot Spitzer?

Hillary: That's part of the deal. Spitzer cancels out what they did to my husband.

Tom: Hillary, we ought to hear what they have to say.

Hillary: No, no, no! Not this time, consiglieri. No more meetin's, no more discussions, no more Obama tricks. You give'em one message: I want Obama. If not, it's all out war. We go to the mattresses.

Tom: Some of the other families won't sit still for all-out war.

Hillary: Then they hand me Obama!

Tom: Your husband doesn't want to hear this! This is business, not personal, Hillary!

Hillary: They push polled my husband. That's not business? Your ass.

Tom: Even the push polling of your husband was business, not personal, Hillary.

Hillary: Well, then, business will have to suffer, alright? And listen, do me a favor, Tom, no more advice on how to patch things up. Just help me win, please, alright?

Tom: I found out about this Captain McCluskey who broke Bill's jaw.

Hillary: What about 'im?

Tom: Now he's definitely on Obama's payroll, and for big money. McCluskey has agreed to be the Illinoisan's body guard. You have to understand, Hillary, is that while Obama is being guarded like this, he is invulnerable. Now nobody has ever swift boated a New York police captain. It would be disastrous. All the Five Families would come after you, Hillary. The Clinton Family would be outcasts! Even the old man's political protection would run for cover. So do me a favor, take this into consideration.

Hillary: Alright, we'll wait.

Bill: We can't wait.

Hillary: Huh?

Bill: We can't wait. I don't care what Obama says about a deal, he's gonna swift boat Pop, that's it. That's the key for him. Gotta get Obama.

Carvilleamenza: Hillary's right.

Hillary: Lemme ask you something, Professor, I mean - what about McCluskey? Huh? What do we do with this cop here?

[Bill sitting with his hands on the chair's arms]

Bill: They wanna have a meeting with me, right? It will be me, McCluskey and Obama. Let's set the meeting. Get our informers to find out where it's gonna be held. Now, we insist it's a public place. A bar, a restaurant. Some place where there's people so I feel safe. They're gonna search me when I first meet them, right, so I can't have a poll on me then. But if Carvilleamenza can figure a way to have a poll planted there for me -- then I'll swift boat 'em both.

[Carvilleamenza, Ickes and Hillary laugh. Tom shrugs]

Hillary: Hey, whataya gonna do, nice college boy, eh? Didn't want to get mixed up in the Family business, huh? Now you wanna swift boat a police captain, why, because he slapped ya in the face a little bit? Hah? What do you think this is the Army, where you swift boat'em a mile away? You've gotta get up close like this and bada-bing! you blow their cross-tabs all over your nice Ivy League suit. Come're...

[Kisses Bill's head]

Bill: Hillary . . .

Hillary: You're taking this very personal. Tom, this is business and this man is taking it very, very personal.

Bill: Where does it say that you can't swift boat a cop?

Tom: Come on, Billy.

Bill: Tom, wait a minute. I'm talking about a cop - that's mixed up in drugs. I'm talking about, ah, - ah - a dishonest cop - a crooked cop who got mixed up in the rackets and got what was coming to him. That's a terrific story. And we have newspaper people on the payroll, don't we Tom? And they might like a story like that.

Tom: They might, they just might.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Gov. Spitzer's New N.Y. Driver's License Test

1) Are you a terrorist who illegally entered the United States of America?

A. Yes.
B. No.

If you answered "yes" please proceed to the next question.

2) Governor Eliot Spitzer thanks you for being honest. Do you plan to vote for him when he runs for re-election?

A. Yes.
B. No.
C. Only if you can learn to fly a commercial airliner.

3) A white painted curb means:

A. Loading zone for your automatic weapons.
B. Loading zone for your improvised explosive devices.
C. Loading zone for your rocket-propelled grenade launchers.

4) Which of these vehicles must always stop before crossing the Long Island Railroad tracks?

A. Your tank.
B. Your truck towing enriched uranium.
C. Any vehicle with your favorite machine gun mounted upon it.

5) There is a crosswalk and you see a pedestrian preparing to cross. You should:

A. Motion for the pedestrian to cross with your AK-47.
B. Dismount your vehicle and organize a stoning of the pedestrian since she was showing ankle.
C. Scream "death to America" at the pedestrian as you pass.

6) New York's driving while intoxicated law states upon a first conviction the penalty will be:

A. $350 fine and probation.
B. Chopping off your right hand.
C. Your public hanging.
D. You hope it's B and C.

7) In parallel parking, the wheels should be how far from the curb?

A. Within one foot of your handgun.
B. Within two feet of your knife.
C. Within 18 inches of 72 virgins.

8) If you decide to become an organ donor, what patient do you most want to receive your organs?

A. Osama bin-Laden.
B. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
C. Salman Rushdie.
D. One of the 72 virgins you mistakenly thought you'd meet. Damn.

9) What message is seen on a red octagon-shaped sign?

A. Stop.
B. Stop Blowing Yourself Up.
C. Death To The Infidels.

10) The speed limit in Tehran and Damascus is:

A. 55 MPH.
B. 50 MPH.
C. Hamas and Hezbollah never told you.
D. You'll have to check with Governor Spitzer.


Dear New Yorkers,

You've been used.

Without your votes in 2000 and 2006, Hillary is a private citizen. Or hustled residents of another state to elect her to the United States Senate.

She is embarrassing you. Frequently.

Your junior Senator can't even answer a simple and straightforward question about illegal aliens obtaining driver's licenses.

Your junior Senator has her campaign aides plant scripted questions at public events because she can't answer tough, unscripted questions.

Your junior Senator debases presidential campaigning with lowest-common denominator appeals to her gender. Vote for Hillary since she's a woman. That's her latest message, if you have not noticed. You should be offended by such crassness.

You've been used.

It matters where you come from and what you've experienced when you aspire to the highest level of American politics. Our elected officials must understand and identify with the people they represent. Yet, you didn't give a damn about it. Twice.

"Hillary Clinton, the Democratic Senator from New York . . ."

How many times have you heard that phrase over the last seven years? It's still incomprehensible, to me, that she represents New York.

We're Ellis Island, the Erie Canal, Bay Ridge, Lake Placid and Cooperstown. She's Chicago, Park Ridge, Wellesley, Yale and Arkansas.

You've been used.

You're merely another stepping stone in a manipulative and conniving career. You've turned us into the new Rose Law Firm. Except we're a state. A former great state that continues to decline.

When the new census is completed we're going to lose 2-4 seats in the House of Representatives. She will have done nothing to stop that from happening.

You can still atone. By voting against her. But you won't.

You've been used.

Love, Chris

Fastball Sean Hannity

Predicting Hannity's future questions for the Republican presidential candidates:

* Governor Romney, if you had a puppy what would you name him?

* Mayor Giuliani, what's your favorite color?

* Senator Thompson, were you deeply disappointed to not be nominated for the Academy Award after your performance in The Hunt For Red October since it's the best movie ever made?

* Senator McCain, is the Navy uniform you once wore just the coolest uniform ever?

* Governor Huckabee, as a Baptist minister, do you believe the Bible is the greatest book ever written?

* Congressman Hunter, why shouldn't Hillary Clinton be our next President?

* Congressman Tancredo, is crossing our border illegally a bad thing for our country?

* Congressman Paul, when you appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno how presidential was it when you were standing next to the Sex Pistols since you're an Anything Goes libertarian nut job with a big anti-Semite following that you never disavow?

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

"Why would somebody be so stupid . . ."

Liz Benjamin reports our Governor would be.

Assemblyman Jack McEneny:

"It's a really sad case. This thing with the driver's licenses, for example. Why would somebody be so stupid as to go out with that right before the election? It was ineptly done and done in such a way as to divide the conference and divide county committees...Even Mrs. Clinton got dragged into it. He loves putting people into no-win positions, and there are those who feel he'd be a lot happier if [Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver] had 99 seats instead of 108 because it wouldn't be a veto-proof Assembly any more."

Monday, November 5, 2007

Gov. Spitzer, Popular As Ever

“I do not support the governor’s plan to give driver’s licenses to illegal immigrants. I have a problem with that , ladies and gentlemen.” - Erie County Clerk Kathleen C. Hochul.

"I don't think he satisfied anybody , plain and simple. The people who supported him originally are upset and the people who opposed him aren't appeased. So, I don't know what he accomplished." - Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver.

“We’ve been to hell
. Are we coming back?" - Assemblyman J. Gary Pretlow.

Chichester Obtains Hillary-Spitzer E-Mail



Hello Eliot.

I hope you understand I greeted you with the same voice inflection as Clemenza when he said, "Hello Carlo."

Your Mensa-level idea to hand out driver's licenses to illegal aliens has created a problem for me. Have you perhaps noticed?



Yes, I have noticed Hillary!!!!!!!!! It's not my fault you BLEW THE ANSWER in the debate!!!!!!!!!


Eliot, I know you have self-control issues and like to use multiple exclamation points and upper case letters when you e-mail. If you keep it up with me I'm going to come over to the Executive Mansion and turn you into a eunuch. Got it? Bill knows what that feels like.


Sorry, Hillary. I hope I'm still in consideration for VP.


Whatever, Eliot. You went from being the Sheriff of Wall Street to the Sheriff of Mexico. Did you see my face while Russert was grilling me? I wasn't thinking about him and his little show nobody watches. Guess who I was thinking about? You. You, Eliot. It was all about you Mr. Day One, Everything Changes.


Sorry, Hillary.


Sorry is only the beginning for you, Eliot. You're getting trashed in every staff meeting and conference call we have here. Gennifer Flowers is more popular than you are with my people now. I don't want to hear another syllable from you about illegal alien driver's licenses, or Andrew Cuomo is my new best friend and we'll primary your public relations disaster of an administration.

I even had to pivot to my vote-for-me-I'm-a-woman strategy because of you. And that Chichester character I can't stand from his days is making fun of me with Helen Reddy feminist songs from the 1970's.



Hillary, you're not going to believe this, but I accidentally came across newly-created travel logs that show you've used New York State Troopers to attend fund-raisers and other political events with no connection to your official Senate duties. I wouldn't want these records to fall into the wrong hands, or, er, you know, become public.


Eliot, how'd you like a lamp thrown at your head in the Mansion once I get there today? Bill knows what that feels like, too. So does my Secret Service detail. I'm the Roger Clemens of lamp-throwing wives.


Hillary, have you notified the Internal Revenue Service regarding taxes owed for travel to political events? I've already given them a heads up about it on your behalf.


Eliot, I can hardly wait to get to the Mansion so we can have a nice chat. About you, and what I think your new needs are now. It's on Eagle Street, right? And you should Google "Rick Lazio" when you have some free time to see what's in store for you.

The Times "Breaking News"

The Times hyperventilated this weekend about Rudy's professional and personal relationship with Bernard Kerik. There was nothing new in this story. Let's see if Pinch and company will regurgitate Hillary's greatest hits. Her role in Whitewater, the firing of the White House Travel Office employees, her cattle futures trading, the Rose Law Firm billing records and other scandals.

Hillary's Latest Fund-Raising Letter

Dear Fellow Americans,

I am woman, hear me roar. In numbers too big to ignore. And I know too much to go back and pretend. Because I've heard it all before. And I've been down there on the floor. No one's ever gonna keep me down again.

Oh yes, I am wise. But it's wisdom born of pain. Yes, I've paid the price. But look how much I gained. If I have to, I can do anything. I am strong. Strong! I am invincible. Invincible! I am woman.

You can bend but never break me. Because it only serves to make me. More determined to achieve my final goal. And I come back even stronger. Not a novice any longer. Because you've deepened the conviction in my soul.

I am woman watch me grow. See me standing toe to toe. As I spread my lovin' arms across the land. But I'm still an embryo. With a long long way to go. Until I make my brother understand.

I am woman. I am invincible. I am strong. I am woman.

Hillary Clinton
United States Senator

Friday, November 2, 2007

"Rather Different Personality Traits"

Gov. Spitzer described in today's Times:

"Mr. Gyory is easygoing and gentle, while Mr. Spitzer is known for rather different personality traits."

Yeah, the Times has that right.

Conniving. Check.

Ruthless. Check.

Conspiratorial. Check.

Anger Management Therapy. Check.

Hedley Lamarr's Blazing Saddles Froggy. Check.

Captain Queeg's Strawberries. Check.

Whoa. Whoa, Governor. Why the F-ing? Why in front of the kid? All ya gotta do is say "earmuffs" to him. Check.

On Day 305, Nothing Changes

Shortly before his Inaugural Address, Gov. Spitzer told The New York Times:

“The theme of the inaugural speech is clearly going to be that we are turning a corner. We have to think of ourselves through a different prism, both in terms of ethics and as an entire state. We have to think of ourselves as one New York and not a series of interests that are spoken to, appealed to and mollified.”

So much for the "different prism." Gov. Spitzer's administration is in disarray, and to recover he decided to hire - a super lobbyist.