Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Debate Predictions

Senator Fred Thompson will bomb, and cause his supporters to seriously reconsider support for his candidacy.

Mayor Rudy Giuliani will excel, and demonstrate a commanding leadership presence.

Senator John McCain will again forcefully articulate why we must achieve victory in Iraq, and get no bounce in the polls.

Governor Mitt Romney will deliver a smooth and polished answer every time, but still leave the audience and primary voters wondering exactly what he believes.

Rep. Ron Paul will do his Rain Main impersonation, which will again send the white coats running for his supporters. Definitely. K-Mart sucks. R-O-N-P-A-U-L. R-O-N-P-A-U-L. Main man.

Gov. Huckabee, Rep. Hunter, Sen. Brownback and Rep. Tancredo will be non-factors.

In short, the conventional wisdom prevails and the debate will have no significant impact on the campaign.

PROVOCATIONS: Chris Matthews Is Not An Issue

It continues to amaze that the Republican field allows Chris Matthews to moderate its debates. Matthews is easily the most obnoxious and rude political talk show host on the air today. His compulsion for interrupting his guests has grown so pathetic that "Hardball" long ago became unwatchable. He should re-name the show "Nutball" for accuracy purposes.

I used to watch him regularly when he debuted ten years ago during the impeachment glory days. I have read his books, especially the wonderful "Kennedy and Nixon: The Rivalry That Shaped Postwar America." But something happened to him along the way. Perhaps since he worked for President Jimmy Carter and Speaker Tip O'Neill he decided that being a raw partisan is more comfortable.

There has been much talk by Republican activists and commentators that the candidates should "take on" Matthews today, especially in light of his statement that the Bush administration had "finally been caught in their criminality." That's a major mistake. It's undignified.

Chris Matthews - and other media figures - should never be presidential campaign issues. Any candidate can pander to the party base by blasting a Chris Matthews or a Rush Limbaugh. When it comes to addressing the foreign and domestic issues confronting our country, that political tactic is utterly worthless.

A candidate who does make Matthews an issue would also engage in one of the elements of modern American politics that I despise: Ignoring a question and going to the talking points. Television hosts and debate moderators far too often allow candidates, elected officials and their supporters to quickly pivot to the topic they really want to talk about. In fact, those who excel at this rhetorical cowardice are not condemned. They're celebrated.

John McEnroe famously said to a chair umpire: "Answer the question! The question, jerk!" I'll be thinking of McEnroe when or if Matthews becomes an issue. And given his Clinton-style slickness and propensity to tell an audience what they want to hear, Gov. Mitt Romney probably will either start or eagerly join in any Matthews-bashing.

John Edwards, Afraid

John Edwards continues to permit his wife to attack Hillary Clinton. It is a craven and thoroughly unseemly campaign tactic. Edwards does not have the guts to do it himself because he doesn't want to risk blow back from women. Simply put, he's afraid of Hillary. Yet he seeks an office where the occupant is forced to confront the world's most vicious murderers and thugs. Edwards is unfit to be the next president of the United States on many personal and professional levels. This is yet another example.

Chichester Granted Exclusive Access To Thompson Debate Prep

Note: "To help prepare, Mr. Thompson, who has also been an actor, has enlisted the aid of Alfonse M. D’Amato, the former senator from New York, who has been playing the role of Mr. Giuliani. But whether these rehearsals will help is an open question." - New York Times, October 8, 2007

The full on-the-scene Chichester report of the debate preparation:

D'Amato: Rudy Giuliani is a back-stabbing, lying snake, who picked on my little brother Armand, and is a fuc-

Sen. Thompson: Al?

D'Amato: Yes, Fred?

Sen. Thompson: You're supposed to be playing Rudy.

D'Amato: Oh, right, right. Sorry, Fred.

Sen. Thompson: That's o.k.

D'Amato: As New York City Mayor and United States Attorney, I abused my power of office to unfairly attack, smear and besmirch the honorable and ethical former United States Senator Alfonse M. D'Amato. I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to Senator D'Amato and his family for the pain I've caused them.

Sen. Thompson: Al?

D'Amato: Yes, Fred?

Sen. Thompson: Are you sure Rudy is going to say that?

D'Amato: What the fuck, Fred. Of course I'm fuckin' sure.

Sen. Thompson: Ok, Al, let's continue.

D'Amato: New York City owes a tremendous debt of gratitude to a man I've always affectionately called "Senator Pothole" for his passion and success in bringing Federal aid to the city, Senator Al D'Amato.

Sen. Thompson: Al?

D'Amato: Yes, Fred?

Sen. Thompson: Are you sure Rudy is going to say that, as well?

D'Amato: Fred, don't turn into a Tennessee fuckin' putzhead of a redneck on me, ok?

Sen. Thompson: Proceed, Al.

D'Amato: In 1994, I supported and voted for former liberal Democrat, and scourge of the New York State Republican party Governor Mario Cuomo, and, to this day, it remains my proudest endorsement.

Sen. Thompson: Al?

D'Amato: Yes, Fred?

Sen. Thompson: You understand New York politics better than I ever will, and are you also sure he'll say that?

D'Amato: Fred, I was the driving force behind George Pataki beating Cuomo. Do you know who I am? I'm Al D'Amato! I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders, Fred!

Sen. Thompson: Al?

D'Amato: Yes, Fred?

Sen. Thompson: I've seen The Godfather films, as I am an accomplished actor and study the craft.

D'Amato: I'm your older Senator, Fred, and I was stepped over!

Sen. Thompson: That's the way Schumer wanted it.

D'Amato: It ain't the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says ... like dumb ... I'm smart and I want respect!

(This is where Pacino Chichester was escorted out of the room).

Chichester's Odds On The Dumbest Chris Matthews Debate Question

* Inspired by Erin Burnett.

3-1 - Mayor Giuliani, who is the hottest babe on Fox News, and could you describe her lip gloss?

2-1 - Congressman Paul, as a libertarian, do you find it's easier to meet those girls gone wild anything goes types?

5-1 - Congressman Hunter, as the former distinguished chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, and I love those chicks in uniform, er-ha! er-ha! Ahem. Excuse me. Seriously, Congressman, was Demi Moore the most attractive woman in uniform you've ever seen when she was in A Few Good Men?

8-1 - Governor Romney, in the old days my mistake was drinking beer and doing shots with girls and saying how great I was. Can you share your similar experiences as a Mormon?

3-5 - Senator Thompson, Fred, Freddy, meshugana of a television star, I could hardly wait to get to ya. Regarding your wife - va, va, va, voom! How did you both first meet?

10-1 - Governor Huckabee, I once said Hillary Clinton had "the balls" to run for the Senate. As the former Arkansas Governor, was I right about her balls, sir?

6-1 - Senator Brownback, if you were still single, would you date Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama or John Edwards?

4-1 - Senator McCain, could you get a little closer to the camera? Ha! Just kidding! You're a knockout, Senator. So, do you agree with Congressman Hunter that Demi Moore is not the most attractive woman ever in uniform?

9-1 - Congressman Tancredo, isn't it an outrage that Jennifer Lopez and Salma Hayek don't do nude scenes in the first five minutes of their movies?

Senator Bruno Must Be Reading This Blog

Yours truly has been referring to Governor Spitzer, given what we know about his plan to ruin Senator Bruno's career, as "Governor Richard Milhouse Spitzer."

Yesterday, he told Fred Dicker of the New York Post:

"The governor claimed that he had nothing to hide, that he wanted to tell the truth under oath. Instead, we get a cover-up, a Nixon-style cover-up."

Krauthammer's Bush Derangement Syndrome

"I think that President Bush is the worst president we've ever had. In
history." - Rep. Henry Waxman (D-), chairman of the House Government Affairs Committee, speaking Saturday on "Cappy McGarr's" radio talk show.

Meanwhile, Back In The 9th Century . . .

Reuters: Jordan Jails Royal Critic Over E - Mails

The Daily Chichester

This is too good. I thought, according to Democrats, that the Bush administration was "spying on Americans," and it was Gestapo-like to provide the National Security Agency with eavesdropping powers. Go crazy on your own today moveon.org.

Governor Richard Milhouse Spitzer's Communications Director departs for lobbying firm.

Sky-high expectations for Thompson's debate performance.

Obama's pastor is an extremist.

I almost couldn't make it through this WaPo story given the incessant Jimmy Carter-like whining from these former Bush staffers.

We're having a tough time convincing Afghan government officials that heroin is bad. Explaining why the United States does not pressure the government to spray its poppy fields with herbicide a State Department official said there "is a potential for losing hearts and minds." Wonder where we've heard those words invoked the last time we were at war. State should get some new talking points.