Good, You Know, Will, Uh, Hunting Speaks

Matt Damon solidified his status as a leading Hollywood dimwit on CBS News today. To comprehend his complete meltdown, this is the full text of what he said about Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin:

"I think there's a really good chance that Sarah Palin could be president, um, and I think that's a really scary thing. Um, because I don't know anything about her. Uh, I don't think in eight weeks I'm going to know anything about her. Um, I know that she was the mayor of a really, sma- , really small town. Um, and she's Governor of Alaska for, for less than two years.

"I just don't, understand.

"Uh, I think the pick was made for political purposes, but in terms of governance, it, it's a disaster. You do the actuary tables, you know, there's a one out of three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn't survive his first term. And it'll be President Palin.

"And, it really, you know, we was talking about it earlier, it's, it's, it's like a really bad Disney movie, you know. The hockey mom, you know. Oh, I'm just a hockey mom from Alaska and she's the president and it's like she's facing down Vladimir Putin and, you know, and using the, you know, the, the, folksy stuff she learned at the hockey, you know, rink, you know, and it's, it's absurd. It's totally absurd, and I don't understand why more people are not talking about it. How absurd it is.

"I, I, I, it, it, it's a really terrifying, uh, possibility. The fact that we've gotten this far, and, and we're that close to this being a reality is crazy. Crazy.

"She, I mean, did she really-. I need to know if she really thinks dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago. That's an important - I wanna know that. I really do. Because she's gonna have the nuclear codes, you know. I, I, I wanna know if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago.

"Or if she banned books, or tried to ban books.

"I mean, th-, th-, you know, we can't, we can't have that."

I mean, th-, th-, you know, Hollywood people really gave this guy an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay? He can barely, uh, complete a sentence. Perhaps th-, those rumors about legendary screenwriter William Goldman writing Good Will Hunting are true.

I just don't, understand.

Well, you know, I-, I-, I- can't, can't believe how he dared to bring up Senator McCain, you know, possibly dying in office. It, it, it's so low class. You do the actuary tables, and, and there's a room temperature IQ for The Talented Mr., Mr., Um, Ripley, right up there with Madonna. Crazy.

And, it, really, you know, he, uh, insulted small towns across America with his really elitist, condescending comments. I mean, th-, th-, how can, how can any Alaskan or small town resident ever want to watch, rent or, um, own, one of his movies ever again?

Uh, even though Damon said he doesn't know anything about Governor Palin, and won't, for the next, ah, eight weeks, he certainly expressed a strong, you know, op-, op-, opinion about her.

It's, it's, it's a really bad Disney movie, you know, when a Hollywood actor attempts to address the, the most serious issues before our country and comes across, like, a, a, a complete, stammering idiot. It's, like, Snow White, and, and, and the Seven Dwa-, you know, Little People running for president.

But, hundreds of thousands of Americans take their children to the hockey, you know, rink, and the bet here is they won't appreciate Damon's comments in swing states where hockey, you know, rinks are a major part of their lives. Like, in Minnesota, Michigan and Montana.

I, I, I wanna know why Matt Damon believes Governor Palin wants to ban books, as if, like, you know, she's a Nazi or something trying to fool everyone by using, the, you know, folksy stuff. Whatever.

She, I mean, uh, I think it's really terrifying to think the dinosaurs could have been in those really bad Disney movies 4,000 years ago, too, carrying the nuclear codes with them, and, I mean, Sarah Palin starring in them. Disney movies I've already seen, like, Benji the Hunted, and The Mighty Ducks.

You know, th-, th-, we can't, we can't have that.