Thursday, September 20, 2007

The Sensitive Metrosexual

The Sensitive Metrosexual has, yet again, dispatched his wife to attack Hillary.

"Does Mrs. Clinton's plan seem very familiar to you? Mrs. Clinton has - seven and a half months after John unveiled his health care plan - unveiled a health care plan that is in every material respect just like John's." - Mrs. Sensitive Metrosexual.

They obviously understand what happened to Rick Lazio.

Chichester Edits Statements For Accuracy

Sen. Barbara Boxer, on the Senate floor today, justifying her vote against condemning the ad:

"We (I'm from the San Francisco Bay Area, where the Board of Supervisors refused to allow the WWII-era USS Iowa to dock in our Bay as a floating museum) condemn all attacks against our men and women serving honorably in the military, not just one organization. We (In San Francisco, 'we' banned JROTC from our city's public schools) condemn all the attacks. And I hope colleagues will vote no; otherwise, we (Last year my fellow Democrat, San Francisco Supervisor Gerardo Sandoval, said, 'the United States should not have a military') are starting a terrible precedent around here that we (America, plus San Francisco) will regret."

How To Annoy Chichester

Candidates, incumbents, flacks and their supporters should do every single humanly possible thing and avoid using these words and phrases since they cause Chichester's head to explode.

At the end of the day (Chichester looks for an open window).

There you go (There Chichester goes screaming from the room like Baby in Dirty Dancing).

Actually (Remove from every sentence ever spoken and the point is the same).

Basically (Am I so stupid that it has to be "basically" to understand?).

To be perfectly honest (When were you lying?).

Presence of mind (Every mind has a presence.)

110 percent (There's no such percentage there Fields Medal winner).

Back in the day (Chichester looks for a noose).

Dude (Chichester murders a surf board).

Conscious decision (Every decision is "conscious," Sigmund)

Props (Chichester hires Tim Robbins to help him tunnel out of the conversation).

Closure (Anyone over 18 years of age who utters this word is forever disqualified from adulthood).

Dawg (Chichester tries not to turn into Randall Patrick McMurphy).

Outside the box (Chichester walks into the ocean like Swayze in Point Break ).

Pollsters Anonymous

Gallup: Clinton as Dominant Among Democratic Union Members as Non-Members

The Serenity Pollster: May I continue to strive to maintain the Polling Serenity to accept the crosstabs things that are not mine to sample change, courage to change the focus groups things that I should for the margin of error betterment of my fees the planet or even one likely voter life upon it , and the wisdom to know the wording of the question difference.

To be a near-daily feature given the media's obsession with polls and the horse race.

Senator Thompson (R-The Tonight Show with Jay Leno)

Memo to Fred: Whenever the spouse is involved in a senior, unofficial official capacity and ordering around the hired help, it may possibly perhaps, not be a good idea. See: W.J. Clinton, A.Pirro, T.Heinz, K. Federline.

PROVOCATIONS: The Media's Obsession with Exploiting Mass Murder

"The importance that our society attaches to sport is incredible. After all, is football a game or a religion? The people of this country have allowed sports to get completely out of hand." - Howard Cosell.

Earlier this month Americans were told by the media before, during and after Virginia Tech's 17-7 defeat of East Carolina University that it was an emotional day. Over and over. It was the latest disgraceful exploitation of a mass murder.

This was a football game. A mere football game should never be what we turn to when there are 32 victims of a murdering sociopath.

A touchdown, an interception, a long field goal - a win- are superficial substitutions for bereavement. For thousands to ask, and in some cases demand, that athletes perform to assuage suffering is unseemly and morose. Especially when it's recent high school graduates.

"Va. Tech Begins Healing With Win Over ECU," read the headline on the Sports Illustrated website. Begins Healing? If they lost, would the healing have begun?

"Virginia Tech charged onto the field with an enormous burden. Barely adults, these guys were playing for themselves, playing for their school, playing for all those maroon-clad fans," reported the Associated Press.

The Washington Post reported "the Hokies appeared overwhelmed by emotion" (which meant they were weeping) and that "afterward several players admitted relief that the game, the first played since the April 16 campus shootings in which 32 people and the gunman were killed, was finally behind them."

This must stop. Now. No football game - no game of any kind - is a substitute for mourning. The Virginia Tech players were forced to play the game they love amidst an onslaught from The Feelings Industry - reporters and commentators constantly asking them to reflect and emote.

What was the goal of the journalists who flocked to Blacksburg? It was to find as many people as possible, especially players, who would break down recalling April 16. That makes for headlines and sound bites.

Virginia Tech Athletic Director Jim Weaver and Coach Frank Beamer should have halted this gathering media manipulation and protected their players. They didn't, with Weaver continuing to implore fans not to boo East Carolina. So mass murder became the lynchpin, the motivation for a superficial public relations campaign to prevent booing at a stadium filled with 66,000 people.

Any one who suffers from the inexplicable loss of a loved one or friend, and searches for solace in an athletic event should know what happens. The game ends. And there is still that same emptiness and longing.

The first major American sports event after September 11, 2001 was played at Shea Stadium in New York between the Mets and Atlanta Braves on September 21. It was a dramatic win for the Mets, with catcher Mike Piazza hitting a home run every Met fan will remember, forever.

But September 22 dawned. There was still Ground Zero and only a 3-hour game that can never provide an explanation for why terrorists killed 3,000 people.

Similarly, the New York Yankees and New Orleans Saints had nothing to do with September 11th and Hurricane Katrina. Yet their players became responsible for repairing grief and pain, which the Virginia Tech players know too well.

Did Americans need to hear the reaction of college athletes only a few years removed from Pop Warner Football to a ghastly killing spree? Is it that important?

"This puts it all in perspective" is the standard cliche from the media in response to an unspeakable tragedy. No, it doesn't. Virginia Tech understands "perspective" as well as any institution. Their leaders should curtly tell the media to go away, leave their football players alone and allow the familes and friends of the fallen to mourn without cameras or a reporter's notebook constantly in plain sight.

You know what Virginia Tech fans? Boo your hearts out when your opponents take the field. And feel good doing it. You'll be closer to a sense of normalcy, and that's the way it should be.

Senator Harry Reid and Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Americans

Senator Pat Geary Harry Reid and Speaker Tracy Flick Nancy Pelosi support our troops, they love America, they always do what's right and eschew politics. Please vote them out of office as soon as humanly possible. Thank you.

CNN: Reid: Frustrated Dems will keep pushing for end to Iraq war

Hillary Of Ark-Ansas

Do you Hillary supporters understand the meaning of the blue star above Arkansas? It pays homage to Arkansas' membership in the Confederacy. So the next time you start screaming about the Confederate flag, the Jena 6 or racism in general, attempt to remember your candidate's flag.

NOTE: Ethics Alert! Ethics Alert! Ethics Alert!

Full Disclosure: Hillary and Chichester enjoy a close and touching personal bond. Campaign 2000 Hillary staffers were crazy-go-nuts for Chichester while he was running/commandeering, according to the campaign's numerous visits to his site (and their e-mails). Thank you, Hillary. xxx,ooo - Chris.

Romneyflop, Who Voted For Democrat Paul Tsongas

Well, in 1994, while he was running for the United States Senate against the Aquatic Wonder from Massachusetts he wrote the Log Cabin Republicans:

“We must make equality for gays and lesbians a mainstream concern.”

Yet, now it's:

AP: Romney launches anti-gay marriage ad

Here's a candidate all Americans can trust.