Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Gov. Spitzer's New N.Y. Driver's License Test

1) Are you a terrorist who illegally entered the United States of America?

A. Yes.
B. No.

If you answered "yes" please proceed to the next question.

2) Governor Eliot Spitzer thanks you for being honest. Do you plan to vote for him when he runs for re-election?

A. Yes.
B. No.
C. Only if you can learn to fly a commercial airliner.

3) A white painted curb means:

A. Loading zone for your automatic weapons.
B. Loading zone for your improvised explosive devices.
C. Loading zone for your rocket-propelled grenade launchers.

4) Which of these vehicles must always stop before crossing the Long Island Railroad tracks?

A. Your tank.
B. Your truck towing enriched uranium.
C. Any vehicle with your favorite machine gun mounted upon it.

5) There is a crosswalk and you see a pedestrian preparing to cross. You should:

A. Motion for the pedestrian to cross with your AK-47.
B. Dismount your vehicle and organize a stoning of the pedestrian since she was showing ankle.
C. Scream "death to America" at the pedestrian as you pass.

6) New York's driving while intoxicated law states upon a first conviction the penalty will be:

A. $350 fine and probation.
B. Chopping off your right hand.
C. Your public hanging.
D. You hope it's B and C.

7) In parallel parking, the wheels should be how far from the curb?

A. Within one foot of your handgun.
B. Within two feet of your knife.
C. Within 18 inches of 72 virgins.

8) If you decide to become an organ donor, what patient do you most want to receive your organs?

A. Osama bin-Laden.
B. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
C. Salman Rushdie.
D. One of the 72 virgins you mistakenly thought you'd meet. Damn.

9) What message is seen on a red octagon-shaped sign?

A. Stop.
B. Stop Blowing Yourself Up.
C. Death To The Infidels.

10) The speed limit in Tehran and Damascus is:

A. 55 MPH.
B. 50 MPH.
C. Hamas and Hezbollah never told you.
D. You'll have to check with Governor Spitzer.


Dear New Yorkers,

You've been used.

Without your votes in 2000 and 2006, Hillary is a private citizen. Or hustled residents of another state to elect her to the United States Senate.

She is embarrassing you. Frequently.

Your junior Senator can't even answer a simple and straightforward question about illegal aliens obtaining driver's licenses.

Your junior Senator has her campaign aides plant scripted questions at public events because she can't answer tough, unscripted questions.

Your junior Senator debases presidential campaigning with lowest-common denominator appeals to her gender. Vote for Hillary since she's a woman. That's her latest message, if you have not noticed. You should be offended by such crassness.

You've been used.

It matters where you come from and what you've experienced when you aspire to the highest level of American politics. Our elected officials must understand and identify with the people they represent. Yet, you didn't give a damn about it. Twice.

"Hillary Clinton, the Democratic Senator from New York . . ."

How many times have you heard that phrase over the last seven years? It's still incomprehensible, to me, that she represents New York.

We're Ellis Island, the Erie Canal, Bay Ridge, Lake Placid and Cooperstown. She's Chicago, Park Ridge, Wellesley, Yale and Arkansas.

You've been used.

You're merely another stepping stone in a manipulative and conniving career. You've turned us into the new Rose Law Firm. Except we're a state. A former great state that continues to decline.

When the new census is completed we're going to lose 2-4 seats in the House of Representatives. She will have done nothing to stop that from happening.

You can still atone. By voting against her. But you won't.

You've been used.

Love, Chris

Fastball Sean Hannity

Predicting Hannity's future questions for the Republican presidential candidates:

* Governor Romney, if you had a puppy what would you name him?

* Mayor Giuliani, what's your favorite color?

* Senator Thompson, were you deeply disappointed to not be nominated for the Academy Award after your performance in The Hunt For Red October since it's the best movie ever made?

* Senator McCain, is the Navy uniform you once wore just the coolest uniform ever?

* Governor Huckabee, as a Baptist minister, do you believe the Bible is the greatest book ever written?

* Congressman Hunter, why shouldn't Hillary Clinton be our next President?

* Congressman Tancredo, is crossing our border illegally a bad thing for our country?

* Congressman Paul, when you appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno how presidential was it when you were standing next to the Sex Pistols since you're an Anything Goes libertarian nut job with a big anti-Semite following that you never disavow?