Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Chichester Edits Statements For Accuracy

President Clinton campaigning yesterday for Hillary in Iowa:

"I (I'm going to talk about me as soon as possible) thought it would be wrong for me to rob her of the chance to be what I thought she should be (after one term as state Attorney General, six terms as Governor and two terms as President, I was done robbing). She laughed (and threw a lamp at me) and said, 'First I love you and, second, I'm not going to run for anything, I'm too hardheaded . . . '

"She has spent a lifetime as a change agent when she had the option to do other things (like divorce me) . . . It's one thing to have good intentions; it is another thing entirely to change people's lives. She's the best non-incumbent I have ever had a chance to vote for. In my whole life I've never met anyone like her (I'm through talking about Hillary, finally).

"I'm (Can we talk about me already please?) out of politics now except every two years the Democrats kind of haul me (W.J.B. Clinton in case you've forgotten) out of the barn like an old horse to see if I (Can we get back to me now?) can make it around the track one more time.

"I (Are you listening to me and my needs?) always tell people when I (we're still talking about me people) speak that you're entitled to discount what I (are you focused on the magnitude of me Iowans?) have to say. I (Do you know who I am?) want to say a few things that are very personal (meaning it's about me).

"They always send me (the 42nd President, remember?) to rural areas. I've (Freud was right about that id stuff, by the way) got boots that have been worn and I (we're almost finished talking about me and not Hillary) know one end of a horse from the other.

"People say we shouldn't refight the battles of the '90s and I (William Jefferson Blythe Clinton is my full name, you know) agree with that. I'd (I have to leave soon and won't be able to continue talking about me) sure like to have some of the victories of the '90s."