Sunday, November 2, 2008

Philadelphia Freedom, Don't Shine On Me

They have no class. None.

Philadelphia's so-called sports fans and its professional athletes are not defined by brotherly love. They're defined by non-brotherly stupidity.

"World F---ing Champions!"

That's what second baseman Chase Utley bellowed when he took the microphone at the Phillies celebration of their World Series title on Friday. He was cheered, of course.

I wonder what the moms and dads who brought their children to the event thought about Utley. There was definitely no advance "ear muffs" warning from Vince Vaughn a la Old School before Utley opened his mouth.

Like Utley, shortstop and designated dimwit Jimmy Rollins could also not contain his no-class act. He ripped the Mets.

Here the Phillies defeat the Milwaukee Brewers, Los Angeles Dodgers and Tampa Bay Rays for their first World Series triumph in 28 years, and Rollins is trashing . . . the Mets. Because the Mets took 11 of the 18 games this year against the Phillies, the only team in Major League Baseball history to lose 10,000 games. They can't lose another 10,000 fast enough and wallow in more misery.

Watching a Phillies game is also watching a bunch of catatonic cultists. They boo everything and everyone. Even in the aftermath of the Phillies win, the fans were still booing the mere mention of someone or something they didn't like.

What a pathetic bunch of "fans." In the wake of a glorious win, they can't control themselves. These people need help.

Utley and Rollins are the perfect no-class Philadelphia professional athletes. They could also play hockey and football in Philadelphia.

This is a city so maniacal about the Philadelphia Eagles that the old Veterans Stadium had a court installed in it to immediately administer justice to its criminal fans. If you wore a Giants or Cowboys jersey into the old Vet, be prepared for a potential assault. Or, at the very least, for a beer thrown on you.

The Flyers won two Stanley Cups with a bunch of aspiring convicted felons and no-teeth big mouths. "The Broad Street Bullies." Right. Goons On Ice was more like it.

How fitting that it was my team, the New York Islanders, and Bobby Nystrom scoring an overtime goal to beat the Flyers in Game Six to win the 1980 Stanley Cup. At least he spared Philadelphians a riot if the Flyers won.

Philadelphia fans and athletes deserve to celebrate another major professional sports title when they can achieve civility. That means never.