Saturday, October 6, 2007

Saturday Leisure: Chichester's One-Sentence Movie Reviews


Coach Norman Dale (who never existed), played by Gene Hackman, becomes the Hickory (real name: Milan) High School basketball coach and Assistant Principal Barbara Hershey immediately hates him for no reason and Coach Dale finds he only has six players try out for his team (which never happened) and he kicks Buddy off the team for being a smart mouth and finds out that Jimmy Chitwood is Hickory's super-human basketball player and sitting out the year (which never happened) because manhood-robbing Barbara Hershey wants him to get an academic scholarship instead of an athletic scholarship to college and Coach Dale boldly tells Jimmy I-don't-care-if-you-play and Hickory starts to lose games and there is a Hickory Town Hall meeting called to fire Coach Dale (which never happened) where Barbara Hershey gives a boo-hoo-hoo Kleenex box speech urging that Coach Dale be kept but he is fired until Jimmy Chitwood shows up and says he's playing again but only for Coach Dale and they re-vote to keep Coach Dale and Hickory goes on a winning stampede with Jimmy and Buddy, with no explanation at all, is suddenly back on the team and Coach Dale and Barbara Hershey have a you-have-to-look-away-from-the-screen big smooch and Hickory goes on to be the smallest school to make the state championship game and Coach Dale gives a five Kleenex box boo-hoo-hoo locker room speech before the game saying "I love you guys" and Hickory wins the championship against a team from Indianapolis with 11 Michael Jordans on it.

The End.

Next week: Friday Night Lights