Why Is This Man Taken Seriously?

"An Apologetic Imus Is Back on the Air" - Fox News headline.

The media covered the return of Don Imus yesterday like he was the radio equivalent of General Douglas MacArthur walking ashore at Palo Beach in the Philippines. Fox News, in particular, was an embarrassment. The Imus "story" was prominently featured on The Big Show with Gibson & Nauert, The O'Reilly Factor and Hannity & Colmes.

Imus is a cartoon in a cowboy hat. And a demented one ("Dick Cheney is still a war criminal, Hillary Clinton is still Satan"). He was fired for a stupid comment that was mild in the Imus catalog of stupidity. But since the average dunce understands and has an opinion about a term like "nappy-headed hos," it's ratings gold for Fox and the other cable stations.

Fox didn't disappoint.

Regarding the hiring of black comedian Karith Foster, host John Gibson asked frequent Imus guest Bo Dietl: "Is she there to keep Imus on the straight and narrow?" No, said Dietl. Because ". . . more black Americans, uh, uh, come over to me than, uh, regular Americans" to compliment Imus about his show. Oh. As opposed to irregular Americans.

In a segment that could be a future Saturday Night Live parody, Bill O'Reilly introduced his "Body Language Breakdown" (I didn't make that up). The guest was body language "expert" Tonya Reiman. Ms. Reiman concluded that the Imus anatomy showed he had little remorse because he stuck out his tongue and blinked too much throughout his latest cowering apology to Rutgers. In case viewers didn't notice Ms. Reiman's "analysis" Fox played Imus apologizing in slow motion.

Not to be outdone, Hannity and Colmes devolved into a comical shout-a-thon between its hosts, an Al Sharpton groupie, an author and the ubiquitous Dietl the Imus mascot. You'd think the future of the Republic was at stake suffering through Sean Hannity trying to extract from the Sharpton groupie the name of just one rapper her boss wanted fired for using the n-word.

So it went for three hours. Fox hosts also asked their guests questions such as: Why didn't Bernard McGuirk speak? Is he being muzzled? Is Imus going to change? Its producers made liberal use of a camera that panned the Imus show regulars like they were House Judiciary Committee members preparing for an impeachment vote.

What a sorry, pathetic day for cable television "news." Even the local news took a break from murders, the weather, car chases and Grandma getting scammed by an infomercial to cover Imus. If there is a media outlet that did not cover Imus, I'd like to congratulate the producer or editor.

The Imus coverage is another indictment of the media's obsession with vulgar, lowest-common denominator personalities. Imus should be irrelevant. He's not, unfortunately. He will inevitably say something far worse than "nappy-headed hos" and the spectacle that played out last night on Fox will repeat itself. When it does the appropriate body language will be my middle finger and reaching for the remote.

Chichester Obtains Spitzer-Silver Email Exchange

"Addressing an audience of about 700, Mr. Spitzer finished off his speech with an anecdote about a recent visit to the doctor, where he was advised to take a stress test." - The New York Sun
*
TO: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

FROM: speaker.shelly@assembly.gov

Governor, how did your stress test go? I hope everything is o.k.
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: speaker.shelly@assembly.gov

HOW DID IT GO!!!!???????? I'll tell you how it went Shelly!!! I have not had it yet, that's how!!!!! I'm TOO BUSY trying to concoct a felony for my favorite Senate Majority Leader!!!!!
*
TO: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

FROM: speaker.shelly@assembly.gov

I'm sorry to hear that Governor. As you know, we can't take our health for granted.
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: speaker.shelly@assembly.gov

DON'T tell me about my health Shelly!!!!!! I'm from THE BRONX and we can go right now if you want!!!!!!!
*
TO: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

FROM: speaker.shelly@assembly.gov

Governor, I'm sorry if I upset you. Btw, do you always use so many exclamation points when you email? That may be indicative of a high stress level.
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: speaker.shelly@assembly.gov

YES I DO!!!!!! Do you know who I am? Do you!!!!!!!??????? And don't you email me back Shelly!!! I can't commit any high crimes or misdemeanors with you bothering me about a stress test!!!!!! And you're finished!!!!!!!!!!!

Government Nanny Cuomo Takes On Joe Camel

New York is losing population, property taxes continue to escalate, job creation is damaged by the overall burden of taxation and the upstate economy has become so unrecognizable and separate from the downstate economy it may as well be Maine.

Yet, Attorney General Andrew Cuomo and his party have other priorities. He's suing R.J. Reynolds because the company allegedly violated the 1998 national Tobacco Master Settlement by marketing Joe Camel in a different form.

"R.J. Reynolds is trying to use cartoons and popular music to lure young people into a lifelong addiction to smoking,” Cuomo huffed in a news release. “We will not allow this corporation’s clear and continuous disregard for the law and for the health of young people to go unchecked.”

Government Nanny Cuomo must think New York's parents are too stupid and irresponsible to raise their children without a cartoon talking them into being a lifelong smoker. And Government Nanny Cuomo is also unfamiliar with the concepts of personal responsibility and free will.

The Empire State is now an enfeebled state, and the Attorney General decides it's time to sue an advertising cartoon that existed from 1987 to 1997. It's so absurd it should be an Onion story.

Eliot Spitzer's Green Distraction

Today, Governor Eliot Spitzer and numerous elected Democrats announced their opposition to the relicensing of the Indian Point nuclear power plant because of the "threat of terrorism."

Yes, the threat of terrorism. From the same freshman Governor who wanted to provide tens of thousands of illegal aliens with driver's licenses, which would have created a new path to another September 11, 2001.

Notwithstanding the fact that the Governor's predecessor George Pataki appeased virtually every carbon-counting green kook left in the state, what are New Yorkers supposed to do to meet their energy needs?

Eliot Spitzer's party is the reason why the United States has not built a new oil refinery in thirty years. Eliot Spitzer's party opposes drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. In fact, there is likely not a single, solitary square foot in the United States and our coastal waters where the party of Eliot Spitzer would drill for oil.

Eliot Spitzer's party opposes the excavation of coal. Eliot Spitzer's party opposes the construction of wind farms because the Kennedys and other wealthy families believe they're eye-sores. If it were up to the Luddites in Eliot Spitzer's party, New Yorkers would be rubbing two wooden sticks together to stay warm.

This announcement has nothing to do with terrorism or nuclear power. It's about raw politics. Governor Spitzer continues to grovel before the hard Democrat left as his character and competence are questioned in the wake of using the State Police in an attempt to destroy the career of Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno.

Govenor Spitzer's ethics, or lack thereof, and the sleazy behavior of his top aides will be in the public spotlight for at least another year, at a minimum. The Governor needs to create as many distractions as possible. Attacking Indian Point is one distraction among many to come.

Chichester Edits Statements For Accuracy

Governor Spitzer in Nick Paumgarten's New Yorker profile:

"I went up to Albany with the avowed purpose of changing the way things were done (I went up to Albany with the avowed purpose to fail to complete my first term in office). Some of the folks there don’t want us to do that (Some of the folks there don't have my collection of Haldemans, Ehrlichmans and other future felons; they're such children) . . . And so anybody who thought it was going to be pretty—and I’ll say something now that I probably shouldn’t (I say ten or twelve things every day I probably shouldn't).

"It's not because I've had two sips of wine (when I have a full glass of wine there's usually another investigation and grand jury on the way). Editorial boards desperately want reform but yet desperately don’t want the discomfort of seeing people fighting. And so there is a sort of a schizophrenia . They see us fighting and they say, ‘Can’t you guys get along?’ Well, the answer is, you know, maybe not (I won't be attending Governor-Elect Andrew Cuomo's Inauguration on January 1, 2011).

A Thug's Life

FT: Venezuela rejects new powers for Chávez

Chichester Illustrated: Ron Paul's Supporters

Note: At this site, you can buy your candidate the same high-quality, white canvass model that you enjoy (it looks like you may need to speak a Slavic language since it's located in a Kiev laboratorium, which is the perfect place for you).

Uh, Cleaning, You Know, Up Hillary's Quotes

Her quote wasn't reported accurately by the print media, yet again, but when asked if Senator Obama's lack of character was a factor in the race, Senator Clinton said:

". . . it's beginning to look a lot like that. You know, it really is. Where you can't get a straight answer on health care; where somebody who runs on, uh, uh, ethics, and, and, uh, you know, not taking money from certain people is found out to have at least skirted, if not violated the FEC rules."

The Incompetent: Governor Mike Huckabee

Meet Wayne Dumond, who remains largely unknown to Republican primary voters. Dumond, however, is well-known to Arkansans, and the grieving families of Ashley Stevens and Carol Shields.

In 1972, Dumond was arrested in the beating death of an Oklahoma man, but not charged. The following year, he was arrested for sexually assaulting a teenage girl in Oregon, and placed on probation. In 1976 he was arrested for raping an Arkansas woman, but the case did not proceed to trial because the woman, in fear, did not press charges. In August, 1985 Dumond raped 17-year-old Ashley Stevens, a cheerleader from Forrest City, Arkansas. A jury sentenced Dumond to life plus 20 years in prison.

On August 29, 1996 the Arkansas Parole Board denied Dumond parole by a vote of 4-1. Two months later on October 31, 1996 then-Governor Mike Huckabee met with the Board in Executive Session, an apparent violation of the Arkansas open meetings law, and urged them to release Dumond because he believed DNA evidence exonerated him.

“The governor commented that Wayne Dumond had received, from his perspective, a raw deal, that he was someone from the wrong side of the tracks ... and that he had received what he thought was too long a sentence for that type of crime,” said Board member Dr. Charles Chastain, who was present.

On January 17, 1997, the Board reversed itself and voted 4-1 to parole Dumond. Gov. Huckabee released a statement in full support of the vote: “I concur with the board’s action and hope the lives of all those involved can move forward."

In addition, Huckabee wrote Dumond directly. In a "Dear Wayne" letter Huckabee asserted, "My desire is that you be released from prison. I feel now that parole is the best way for your reintegration into society." Dumond was paroled in October, 1999.

On September 20, 2000 Dumond sexually assaulted and murdered 39-year-old Carol Shields of Parkville, Missouri in her apartment. Police discovered Dumond's DNA under the victim's fingernails. He was sentenced to life in prison by Judge Larry Harman after a six-day trial. Dumond called Harman's sentence "ludicrous, nonsensical, stupid and ignorant." He died in prison two years ago.

These facts, in great disturbing detail, have been meticulously documented by the Arkansas Times, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, National Review and other publications. All it takes is a "Wayne Dumond" Google to find one sordid development after another, as well as Huckabee's lies and his Hope, Arkansas Clintonesque bumbling explanations.

Yet, here Mike Huckabee sits atop the latest Iowa Caucus polls.

Republicans seemingly enjoy his flippant and superficial one-liners in response to serious public policy questions. Religious conservatives are in a fog of indifference regarding any issue outside Huckabee's opposition to abortion and gay marriage. The mainstream media have not challenged his failed Arkansas record, and neither have his competitors because he was thought to be a mere nuisance candidate with no money. That will change. Very soon.

Mike Huckabee should be a joke of a presidential candidate based solely upon his incompetent coddling of a rapist and murderer like Wayne Dumond. There is no excuse, no rationalization, no legitimate reason in defense of Huckabee's determination to free Dumond. Absolutely none. He has the blood of Carol Shields on his hands. Figuratively. But it's still blood.

Shameless Hillary Clinton

Dear Hillary,

"It affected me not only because these were my staff members and volunteers, but as a mother, it was just a horrible sense of bewilderment, confusion, outrage, frustration, anger, everything at the same time."

That's what you said yesterday after the hostage situation in one of your New Hampshire campaign offices ended.

In case Democrat primary voters missed it the first time, you also trotted out one of your aides to speak to ABC News anonymously.

"She said, as a mother, she would want to see Chelsea immediately if she were in that situation."

What a self-serving, soccer mom-pandering, political statement. You should be ashamed.

"As a mother."

You couldn't resist yet another round of unseemly gender politics. It doesn't matter that you're a mother. It wouldn't if you were a father, or childless. Because you're a mother does not provide you with the skill or temperament to withstand a hostage negotiation, even a brief one. It certainly did not equip you with the emotional capacity to avoid sounding like you needed a sedative and a seat opposite Dr. Phil.

You did not have a day in the life of Golda Meir yesterday. Guess what? Prime Minister Meir never married. It certainly didn't prevent her from leading Israel during Operation Wrath of God and the Yom Kippur War.

In a few hours, a mentally ill man who had been drinking for 48 hours with road flares duct-tapped to his body created a "horrible sense of bewilderment, confusion, outrage, frustration, anger, everything at the same time" for you. Just wait until you have to confront al-Qaeda. Or Iran. Or Hamas, Hezbollah, Islamic Jihad and other fanatics.

If you're elected president and our country is the victim of another September 11, 2001-style attack, I'm sure all Americans will be reassured when you address our country from the Oval Office "as a mother." Because that's certainly a quality Americans need in a Commander-In-Chief while we're fighting a global war against Islamofascism.

As a son,

Chris

Chichester's Teddy Bear Collection

Meet my Teddy Bears. From left to right: William, Stephen, Christopher Jr. and Muhammad. How does that sound you lunatics?

"The Kingdom"

They are monsters living in a desert.

According to ABC News:

"Floggings in Saudi Arabia typically take place Thursday nights outside of prisons or marketplaces. The accused is shackled and sometimes permitted to wear a single layer of clothing, like the popular Saudi tunic or dishdash.

"A police officer administers the lashes with a bamboo whip about 7 feet long. Under his arm, the officer will typically hold a copy of the Koran in order to regulate the power with which he can whip the accused."

This brutality is what awaits "the Girl From Qatif," the 19-year-old Saudi rape victim who was sentenced to six months in prison and 200 lashes for inviting her attack because she was in a parked car with a man who was not a relative.

Where is the strong condemnation of this disgusting crime committed by Saudi government thugs directly from President George W. Bush? Hardly a word.

The president of the United States can't pay attention to every human rights violation, says the skeptic.

Yes, he can.

Because in his second Inaugural address President Bush told the world the United States of America is for freedom. Everywhere. For everyone.

"The Kingdom" of Saudi Arabia is a neo-Nazi paradise. There are no political parties, no national elections, no rights endowed by our Creator.

"The Kingdom" amputates hands and feet after show trials. Their schools indoctrinate children with hate. Fifteen of the 19 terrorists who attacked our country on September 11, 2001 were from Saudi Arabia.

Merely being in a car with an unrelated male is a crime for a woman in "The Kingdom." She gets 90 lashes for it. She's a gang rape victim and because she spoke about it publicly the sentence is now 200 lashes and six months in jail from "The Kingdom's" leaders.

This is a revolting country.

Any American diplomat who describes the backward and barbaric sand trap of Saudi Arabia as "The Kingdom" should be reprimanded. Even fired.

"The Kingdom" mocks President Bush's second Inaugural. It's a minute-by-minute totalitarian state that must be shamed and humiliated into civilization as long as our United States claims it's an ally.

"Presidential" Hillary

It didn't take long before Hillary was praised for her remarks following the end of the hostage situation at her Rochester, New Hampshire campaign office. On Nutball Hardball with Chris Matthews CQ's Craig Crawford said she appeared "presidential." It was echoed by The Politico's Roger Simon, who said she "looked terrific" and "was presidential." And Amy Sullivan of Time magazine said she "sounded very presidential." Nutball Matthews, of course, agreed with them all.

Any human who believes Hillary's bland remarks, which were punctuated by multiple "uhs" as usual, amount to a presidential performance should be banned from television punditry for life. This soon-to-be forgettable event is completely irrelevant in judging presidential ability and leadership.

Hillary, though, loves it. She gets to turn it into a plus and politicize it, which she's already done by praising "young people" who work in campaigns. She's running up to New Hampshire tomorrow to thank law enforcement. And she gets to play a victim. Again.

The Godfather IV: How Gov. Spitzer Caved

Hillary: My credit good enough to buy you out?

Eliot: Buy me out?

Hillary: The driver's licenses. The Clinton family wants to buy you out.

Eliot: The Clinton family wants to buy me out? No, I buy you out, you don't buy me out.

Hillary: Your proposal loses votes. Maybe we can do better.

Eliot: You think I'm skimmin' off the top, Hillary?

Hillary: You're unlucky.

Eliot: You goddamn Arkansans really make me laugh. I do you a favor and take Bill in when you're having a bad time, and now you're gonna try and push me out!

Hillary: Wait a minute. You took Bill in because the Clinton family bankrolled your campaign because the Kennedy family on the coast guaranteed his safety. Now, we're talking business, let's talk business.

Eliot: Yeah, let's talk business, Hillary. First of all, you're all done. The Clinton family don't even have that kind of muscle anymore. The Godfather's sick, right? You're getting chased out of New York by Obama and the other families. What do you think is going on here? You think you can come to my state and take over? I talked to Obama. I can make a deal with him, and still keep my driver's licenses!

Hillary: Is that why you slapped my husband around in public?

Bill: Aw, now that, that was nothin' Hillary. Eliot didn't mean nothin' by that. Yeah, sure he flies off the handle every once in a while, but me and him, we're good friends, right Eliot?

Eliot: I got a business to run. I gotta kick asses sometimes to make it run right. We had a little argument, Billy and me, so I had to straighten him out.

Hillary: You straightened my husband out?

Eliot: He was banging cocktail waitresses two at a time! Players couldn't get a drink at the table! What's the matter with you?

Hillary: I leave for New York tomorrow, think about a price.

Eliot: Son of a bitch! Do you know who I am? I'm Eliot Spitzer! I made my bones when you were going out with quarterbacks!

Bill: Wait a minute, Eliot, Eliot. I got an idea. Jimmy, you're the Consiglieri and you can talk to the Don. You can explain.

Jimmy Carter: Just a minute, now. The Don is semi-retired and Hillary is in charge of the Family business now. If you have anything to say, say it to Hillary.

(Eliot exits)

Bill: Hillary you do not come to Las Vegas and talk to a man like Eliot Spitzer like that before the debate tomorrow!

Hillary: Bill, you're my husband, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever.

Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-September 10, 2001)

Dear Jerry,

You embody why our elected officials fail to fulfill their sworn Federal duties.

Yesterday, you were asked about Governor Eliot Spitzer's abandoned proposal to provide driver's licenses to illegal aliens. You said:

"I haven't studied enough of the details . . . This is a state matter. I'm not going to say what they should do . . . It's clearly a hot potato in the sense that it's a very sensitive issue for everybody."

Jerry, are you aware of what happened in your city, the city I was born in, on September 11, 2001?

You haven't studied enough of the details Jerry? Why not? You represent over 600,000 New Yorkers, and it's been two months since the Governor announced his new, now failed, policy.

This is a state matter? Of course it is. A New York state matter. What state do you live in Jerry? North Dakota?

You're not going to say what "they" should do? Who exactly is the "they" you're referring to Jerry? It would be your fellow New Yorkers leading our state government.

It's a very sensitive issue for everybody? Thanks for providing the obvious. Why didn't you have the decency, the integrity and the honesty to state your position if this is a "sensitive issue" Jerry?

I'll tell you why. Because you're hoping Hillary is elected President and you want Governor Spitzer to appoint you to her Senate seat. You can't score political points with the Governor and his new generation of Haldemans and Ehrlichmans on the Capitol's second floor if you criticized his scheme. So it was politically convenient for you to just shut up since you know how to read the polls.

You're a member of the House Judiciary Subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism, and Homeland Security. Do you believe giving driver's licenses to illegal aliens is directly related to crime, terrorism and homeland security Jerry?

When you were sworn in last January you said:

"I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter."

Yesterday, you exemplified purpose of evasion. You ignored all enemies, foreign and domestic. You didn't well and faithfully discharge the duties of your office.

You deliberately chose to say nothing when presented with a dangerous and irresponsible idea that could lead to another horrific terrorist attack in our country. And in your city. You should be ashamed of your craven silence.

Chris

How Hillary Dishes Obama Dirt

WASHINGTON — Columnist Robert Novak stood by his story Monday that the Clinton campaign is spreading the word that it's holding back on dishing dirt on Barack Obama, and charged the Democratic frontrunner with playing "Nixon tricks."

(Clinton campaign staff meeting, November 13, 2007)

Hillary: Hey, listen to this - the Illinoisan wants to talk. Eh, imagine the nerve of the son of a bitch, eh? Craps out last night, and wants a meetin' today before the Iowa Caucuses.

Tom Haden: What did he say?

Hillary: What did he say - badda-beep, badda-bap, badda-boop, badda-beep - He wants to send Bill here to proposition and the promise is, that the deal is so good, that we can't refuse. Eh.

Tom Haden: What about Eliot Spitzer?

Hillary: That's part of the deal. Spitzer cancels out what they did to my husband.

Tom: Hillary, we ought to hear what they have to say.

Hillary: No, no, no! Not this time, consiglieri. No more meetin's, no more discussions, no more Obama tricks. You give'em one message: I want Obama. If not, it's all out war. We go to the mattresses.

Tom: Some of the other families won't sit still for all-out war.

Hillary: Then they hand me Obama!

Tom: Your husband doesn't want to hear this! This is business, not personal, Hillary!

Hillary: They push polled my husband. That's not business? Your ass.

Tom: Even the push polling of your husband was business, not personal, Hillary.

Hillary: Well, then, business will have to suffer, alright? And listen, do me a favor, Tom, no more advice on how to patch things up. Just help me win, please, alright?

Tom: I found out about this Captain McCluskey who broke Bill's jaw.

Hillary: What about 'im?

Tom: Now he's definitely on Obama's payroll, and for big money. McCluskey has agreed to be the Illinoisan's body guard. You have to understand, Hillary, is that while Obama is being guarded like this, he is invulnerable. Now nobody has ever swift boated a New York police captain. It would be disastrous. All the Five Families would come after you, Hillary. The Clinton Family would be outcasts! Even the old man's political protection would run for cover. So do me a favor, take this into consideration.

Hillary: Alright, we'll wait.

Bill: We can't wait.

Hillary: Huh?

Bill: We can't wait. I don't care what Obama says about a deal, he's gonna swift boat Pop, that's it. That's the key for him. Gotta get Obama.

Carvilleamenza: Hillary's right.

Hillary: Lemme ask you something, Professor, I mean - what about McCluskey? Huh? What do we do with this cop here?

[Bill sitting with his hands on the chair's arms]

Bill: They wanna have a meeting with me, right? It will be me, McCluskey and Obama. Let's set the meeting. Get our informers to find out where it's gonna be held. Now, we insist it's a public place. A bar, a restaurant. Some place where there's people so I feel safe. They're gonna search me when I first meet them, right, so I can't have a poll on me then. But if Carvilleamenza can figure a way to have a poll planted there for me -- then I'll swift boat 'em both.

[Carvilleamenza, Ickes and Hillary laugh. Tom shrugs]

Hillary: Hey, whataya gonna do, nice college boy, eh? Didn't want to get mixed up in the Family business, huh? Now you wanna swift boat a police captain, why, because he slapped ya in the face a little bit? Hah? What do you think this is the Army, where you swift boat'em a mile away? You've gotta get up close like this and bada-bing! you blow their cross-tabs all over your nice Ivy League suit. Come're...

[Kisses Bill's head]

Bill: Hillary . . .

Hillary: You're taking this very personal. Tom, this is business and this man is taking it very, very personal.

Bill: Where does it say that you can't swift boat a cop?

Tom: Come on, Billy.

Bill: Tom, wait a minute. I'm talking about a cop - that's mixed up in drugs. I'm talking about, ah, - ah - a dishonest cop - a crooked cop who got mixed up in the rackets and got what was coming to him. That's a terrific story. And we have newspaper people on the payroll, don't we Tom? And they might like a story like that.

Tom: They might, they just might.

Gov. Spitzer's New N.Y. Driver's License Test

1) Are you a terrorist who illegally entered the United States of America?

A. Yes.
B. No.

If you answered "yes" please proceed to the next question.

2) Governor Eliot Spitzer thanks you for being honest. Do you plan to vote for him when he runs for re-election?

A. Yes.
B. No.
C. Only if you can learn to fly a commercial airliner.

3) A white painted curb means:

A. Loading zone for your automatic weapons.
B. Loading zone for your improvised explosive devices.
C. Loading zone for your rocket-propelled grenade launchers.

4) Which of these vehicles must always stop before crossing the Long Island Railroad tracks?

A. Your tank.
B. Your truck towing enriched uranium.
C. Any vehicle with your favorite machine gun mounted upon it.

5) There is a crosswalk and you see a pedestrian preparing to cross. You should:

A. Motion for the pedestrian to cross with your AK-47.
B. Dismount your vehicle and organize a stoning of the pedestrian since she was showing ankle.
C. Scream "death to America" at the pedestrian as you pass.

6) New York's driving while intoxicated law states upon a first conviction the penalty will be:

A. $350 fine and probation.
B. Chopping off your right hand.
C. Your public hanging.
D. You hope it's B and C.

7) In parallel parking, the wheels should be how far from the curb?

A. Within one foot of your handgun.
B. Within two feet of your knife.
C. Within 18 inches of 72 virgins.

8) If you decide to become an organ donor, what patient do you most want to receive your organs?

A. Osama bin-Laden.
B. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
C. Salman Rushdie.
D. One of the 72 virgins you mistakenly thought you'd meet. Damn.

9) What message is seen on a red octagon-shaped sign?

A. Stop.
B. Stop Blowing Yourself Up.
C. Death To The Infidels.

10) The speed limit in Tehran and Damascus is:

A. 55 MPH.
B. 50 MPH.
C. Hamas and Hezbollah never told you.
D. You'll have to check with Governor Spitzer.

Hillary

Dear New Yorkers,

You've been used.

Without your votes in 2000 and 2006, Hillary is a private citizen. Or hustled residents of another state to elect her to the United States Senate.

She is embarrassing you. Frequently.

Your junior Senator can't even answer a simple and straightforward question about illegal aliens obtaining driver's licenses.

Your junior Senator has her campaign aides plant scripted questions at public events because she can't answer tough, unscripted questions.

Your junior Senator debases presidential campaigning with lowest-common denominator appeals to her gender. Vote for Hillary since she's a woman. That's her latest message, if you have not noticed. You should be offended by such crassness.

You've been used.

It matters where you come from and what you've experienced when you aspire to the highest level of American politics. Our elected officials must understand and identify with the people they represent. Yet, you didn't give a damn about it. Twice.

"Hillary Clinton, the Democratic Senator from New York . . ."

How many times have you heard that phrase over the last seven years? It's still incomprehensible, to me, that she represents New York.

We're Ellis Island, the Erie Canal, Bay Ridge, Lake Placid and Cooperstown. She's Chicago, Park Ridge, Wellesley, Yale and Arkansas.

You've been used.

You're merely another stepping stone in a manipulative and conniving career. You've turned us into the new Rose Law Firm. Except we're a state. A former great state that continues to decline.

When the new census is completed we're going to lose 2-4 seats in the House of Representatives. She will have done nothing to stop that from happening.

You can still atone. By voting against her. But you won't.

You've been used.

Love, Chris

Fastball Sean Hannity

Predicting Hannity's future questions for the Republican presidential candidates:

* Governor Romney, if you had a puppy what would you name him?

* Mayor Giuliani, what's your favorite color?

* Senator Thompson, were you deeply disappointed to not be nominated for the Academy Award after your performance in The Hunt For Red October since it's the best movie ever made?

* Senator McCain, is the Navy uniform you once wore just the coolest uniform ever?

* Governor Huckabee, as a Baptist minister, do you believe the Bible is the greatest book ever written?

* Congressman Hunter, why shouldn't Hillary Clinton be our next President?

* Congressman Tancredo, is crossing our border illegally a bad thing for our country?

* Congressman Paul, when you appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno how presidential was it when you were standing next to the Sex Pistols since you're an Anything Goes libertarian nut job with a big anti-Semite following that you never disavow?

"Why would somebody be so stupid . . ."

Liz Benjamin reports our Governor would be.

Assemblyman Jack McEneny:

"It's a really sad case. This thing with the driver's licenses, for example. Why would somebody be so stupid as to go out with that right before the election? It was ineptly done and done in such a way as to divide the conference and divide county committees...Even Mrs. Clinton got dragged into it. He loves putting people into no-win positions, and there are those who feel he'd be a lot happier if [Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver] had 99 seats instead of 108 because it wouldn't be a veto-proof Assembly any more."

Gov. Spitzer, Popular As Ever

“I do not support the governor’s plan to give driver’s licenses to illegal immigrants. I have a problem with that , ladies and gentlemen.” - Erie County Clerk Kathleen C. Hochul.

"I don't think he satisfied anybody , plain and simple. The people who supported him originally are upset and the people who opposed him aren't appeased. So, I don't know what he accomplished." - Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver.

“We’ve been to hell. Are we coming back?" - Assemblyman J. Gary Pretlow.

Chichester Obtains Hillary-Spitzer E-Mail

TO: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

FROM: Hillary@senate.gov

Hello Eliot.

I hope you understand I greeted you with the same voice inflection as Clemenza when he said, "Hello Carlo."

Your Mensa-level idea to hand out driver's licenses to illegal aliens has created a problem for me. Have you perhaps noticed?
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: Hillary@senate.gov

Yes, I have noticed Hillary!!!!!!!!! It's not my fault you BLEW THE ANSWER in the debate!!!!!!!!!
*
TO: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

FROM: Hillary@senate.gov

Eliot, I know you have self-control issues and like to use multiple exclamation points and upper case letters when you e-mail. If you keep it up with me I'm going to come over to the Executive Mansion and turn you into a eunuch. Got it? Bill knows what that feels like.
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: Hillary@senate.gov

Sorry, Hillary. I hope I'm still in consideration for VP.
*
TO: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

FROM: Hillary@senate.gov

Whatever, Eliot. You went from being the Sheriff of Wall Street to the Sheriff of Mexico. Did you see my face while Russert was grilling me? I wasn't thinking about him and his little show nobody watches. Guess who I was thinking about? You. You, Eliot. It was all about you Mr. Day One, Everything Changes.
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: Hillary@senate.gov

Sorry, Hillary.
*
TO: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

FROM: Hillary@senate.gov

Sorry is only the beginning for you, Eliot. You're getting trashed in every staff meeting and conference call we have here. Gennifer Flowers is more popular than you are with my people now. I don't want to hear another syllable from you about illegal alien driver's licenses, or Andrew Cuomo is my new best friend and we'll primary your public relations disaster of an administration.

I even had to pivot to my vote-for-me-I'm-a-woman strategy because of you. And that Chichester character I can't stand from his empirepage.com days is making fun of me with Helen Reddy feminist songs from the 1970's.
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: Hillary@senate.gov

Hillary, you're not going to believe this, but I accidentally came across newly-created travel logs that show you've used New York State Troopers to attend fund-raisers and other political events with no connection to your official Senate duties. I wouldn't want these records to fall into the wrong hands, or, er, you know, become public.
*
TO: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

FROM: Hillary@senate.gov

Eliot, how'd you like a lamp thrown at your head in the Mansion once I get there today? Bill knows what that feels like, too. So does my Secret Service detail. I'm the Roger Clemens of lamp-throwing wives.
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: Hillary@senate.gov

Hillary, have you notified the Internal Revenue Service regarding taxes owed for travel to political events? I've already given them a heads up about it on your behalf.
*
TO: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

FROM: Hillary@senate.gov

Eliot, I can hardly wait to get to the Mansion so we can have a nice chat. About you, and what I think your new needs are now. It's on Eagle Street, right? And you should Google "Rick Lazio" when you have some free time to see what's in store for you.

The Times "Breaking News"

The Times hyperventilated this weekend about Rudy's professional and personal relationship with Bernard Kerik. There was nothing new in this story. Let's see if Pinch and company will regurgitate Hillary's greatest hits. Her role in Whitewater, the firing of the White House Travel Office employees, her cattle futures trading, the Rose Law Firm billing records and other scandals.

Hillary's Latest Fund-Raising Letter

Dear Fellow Americans,

I am woman, hear me roar. In numbers too big to ignore. And I know too much to go back and pretend. Because I've heard it all before. And I've been down there on the floor. No one's ever gonna keep me down again.

Oh yes, I am wise. But it's wisdom born of pain. Yes, I've paid the price. But look how much I gained. If I have to, I can do anything. I am strong. Strong! I am invincible. Invincible! I am woman.

You can bend but never break me. Because it only serves to make me. More determined to achieve my final goal. And I come back even stronger. Not a novice any longer. Because you've deepened the conviction in my soul.

I am woman watch me grow. See me standing toe to toe. As I spread my lovin' arms across the land. But I'm still an embryo. With a long long way to go. Until I make my brother understand.

I am woman. I am invincible. I am strong. I am woman.

Hillary Clinton
United States Senator

"Rather Different Personality Traits"

Gov. Spitzer described in today's Times:

"Mr. Gyory is easygoing and gentle, while Mr. Spitzer is known for rather different personality traits."

Yeah, the Times has that right.

Conniving. Check.

Ruthless. Check.

Conspiratorial. Check.

Anger Management Therapy. Check.

Hedley Lamarr's Blazing Saddles Froggy. Check.

Captain Queeg's Strawberries. Check.

Whoa. Whoa, Governor. Why the F-ing? Why in front of the kid? All ya gotta do is say "earmuffs" to him. Check.

On Day 305, Nothing Changes

Shortly before his Inaugural Address, Gov. Spitzer told The New York Times:

“The theme of the inaugural speech is clearly going to be that we are turning a corner. We have to think of ourselves through a different prism, both in terms of ethics and as an entire state. We have to think of ourselves as one New York and not a series of interests that are spoken to, appealed to and mollified.”

So much for the "different prism." Gov. Spitzer's administration is in disarray, and to recover he decided to hire - a super lobbyist.

Howard Wolfson's C-SPAN Caller Moment

Wolfson today "clarifying" Hillary's gaffe:

"Senator Clinton supports governors like Governor Spitzer who believe they need such a measure to deal with the crisis caused by this administration's failure to pass comprehensive immigration reform. As President, her goal will be to pass comprehensive immigration reform that would make this unnecessary."

Please keep trying to explain Hillary's response last night, Howard. Especially since late this afternoon The Times reported:

"Mrs. Clinton’s advisers said that she had not studied either plan, and was not specifically endorsing either of them."

This is supposed to be a campaign juggernaut led by the finest political professionals in the Democrat party? Hillary stumbled and fumbled for an answer last night, her flack is equally incoherent and the campaign admits Hillary has no idea what's in Spitzer Scheme 1 or Spitzer Scheme 2. This bunch is Stooges-level hilarious.

Spitzer's Position On Indian Sales Taxes

Buffalo News: Spitzer backs off vow to collect Indian sales taxes

According to the News:

"Gov. Eliot L. Spitzer is backing away from a promised effort to collect taxes on the sale of cigarettes and gasoline by Indian retailers, even while the state’s budget deficit continues to rise, officials acknowledged Tuesday."

Chichester Edits Statements For Accuracy

Governor Spitzer today defending his illegal alien driver's license scheme:

"I have done precisely what the public sent me to Albany to do (I have lied to the people of New York since I hardly uttered a word about providing illegal aliens with driver's licenses during my gubernatorial campaign last year) , which is to shake and rattle the cage of a system that was not responding to a changed economy, changed circumstances. Inevitably in that context, there will be some for whom the rattling and the shaking isn’t so comfortable (if they are comfortable I'll make sure the Internal Revenue Service audits them).

“We are in the position we’re in right now because of the failure of Washington (We are in the position we're in right now because I still think it's September 10, 2001) . Washington’s immigration policies (amnesty for illegal aliens) have been a debacle (which is why we were attacked on September 11, 2001, among other reasons) .”

Hillary On Spitzer's License Scheme

"Fill the vacuum . . . Ah . . . Ah . . . Fill the vacuum . . . Fill this gap . . . [gives Chris Dodd her Arkansas revenge glance]. . . Well . . . Well . . . What, what . . . Well . . . [glares at Tim Russert and wishes a Tony Soprano whacking upon him] . . . You know, Tim . . . Everybody plays gotcha . . . Er . . . out of the shadows."

Last night's debate demonstrates the junior Senator from New York is in total command of this issue, and Governor Spitzer has her full support.

"You Made A Fool Out Of Myself"

That's what Democratic State Senator Ruben Diaz Sr. told Governor Eliot Spitzer regarding his scheme to provide driver's licenses to illegal aliens, according to today's New York Times.

This is turning into one of the most spectacular collapses in New York political history, perhaps the most spectacular. A year ago then-Attorney General Spitzer was heading toward a massive 70 percent triumph over former Assemblyman John Faso. Today, his reputation, his character, his temperament and his tactics lay in ruins.

Hillary Clinton's State

After Vice President Dick Cheney went pheasant hunting in upstate New York Al Sharpton issued the following statement.

“It has been reported to us by media on the site that Vice President Dick Cheney is duck and pheasant hunting in Dutchess County . . . and there is a Confederate Flag hanging at the club. I am calling on Vice President Cheney to leave immediately and denounce the club and apologize for going to a club that represents lynching, hate, and murder to black people."

Memo To Al: Do you understand the meaning of the blue star above Arkansas? It celebrates Arkansas' membership in the Confederacy. It's why the official website home page for the state doesn't feature the flag. The next time you unleash your hatred attempt to distinguish between a hunting trip that has nothing to do with race and New York's junior Senator serving as First Lady for over 12 years in a state with a flag that "represents lynching, hate, and murder to black people."

The Invisible Congressman

Ten-term Congressman Michael McNulty is retiring. He represented me for the 12 years I lived in the Capital District.

He's an ethical and honest man. He's a rare pro-life Democrat, which is difficult to confront in his party and a reason why he had a tough primary against environmental activist Lee Wasserman in 1996.

Unfortunately, Congressman McNulty achieved nothing of significance during his 20 years of service. There is no major legislation he advocated or authored. He did not distinguish himself in any national debate. He failed to find one single, solitary issue to make a difference. I don't recall a story of any interest or consequence about him that I posted when running The Empire Page.

It wasn't until the end of my first year as a House press secretary until I saw Rep. McNulty speak on the floor. House offices have multiple televisions on so staffers know exactly what is happening. Maybe I missed a McNulty appearance from time to time. But he clearly was never a presence on the floor, never spoke to his constituents via C-SPAN. He didn't care. He was silent in Washington, D.C. He wasn't elected to be silent. Especially for 20 years.

I hardly recall a mailing from him. Neither do friends who are still his constituents. Members of Congress should always use their franking privilege to communicate with the Americans they represent despite how it's criticized as propaganda. You can judge it as propaganda, or not. And vote accordingly.

After his election to a tenth term and the Democratic takeover of Congress, Rep. McNulty was not positioned to be a full Committee Chairman despite all the retirements after his party was demolished in the 1994 elections.

He was named the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Subcommittee on Social Security. What was his position on Social Security reform since he was elected in 1988? I have no idea. President George W. Bush failed spectacularly at reforming Social Security beginning his second term, and Rep. McNulty, as usual, had no presence before or after the national conversation. None.

Gerrymandering is the reason why Michael McNulty could be so lazy and irrelevant. He coasted because he could in a safe district. Contrast him with Congresswoman Kirsten Gillibrand's efforts. She knows she has to work hard, and her constituents certainly hear from her.

Michael McNulty's legacy will never be difficult to summarize. He was a ten-term Freshman Member of Congress.

Rudy, The Boston Red Sox Fan

"I'm rooting for the Red Sox." - Mayor Rudy Giuliani.

What is this man thinking.

For every reason there is to support him with no hesitation, such as his masterful speech to "values voters" last weekend, he gives you a reason to oppose him with great hesitation. It's the story of his presidential candidacy, and his career.

The Mayor has to do well in the New Hampshire primary to remain competitive, especially if he falters in the Iowa Caucus. Pandering to Boston Red Sox fans in New Hampshire is an easy and lazy way to campaign.

He's a lifelong Yankees fan, or so we thought. How can he possibly claim he wants the Red Sox to win the World Series given the history, given the hatred on both sides of the rivalry?

It's a seminal moment in political phoniness for campaign 2008.

Boston Red Sox fans should never get any respect from a New Yorker.

They still blame Bill Buckner for losing the 1986 World Series even though Mookie Wilson would have beaten him to first base in Game Six. In that game, Roger Clemens quit because he claimed he had a blister on his pitching hand. Calvin Schiraldi and Bob Stanley collapsed in relief. Yet, it's Blame Buckner, a borderline Hall of Famer, who was so disgusted by Sox nuts harassing his family that he was forced to move to Montana.

Boston Red Sox "fans" are clueless, and don't understand baseball history. These are the unbalanced people Rudy is trying to appeal to in a misguided quest for votes.

Chichester Obtains Spitzer-Bruno E-Mail

FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: joe@senate.gov

Joe, I'm angry!!!!!!!!! With you after that vote last night on my illegal alien driver's license bill that you orchestrated. I was so angry I fell out of my high chair, and my wife had to re-heat a new box of chicken tenders and cut them into little pieces the way I like it so I could use my favorite Flintstones fork to eat them. It's your fault!!!!! You're finished!!!!!!!
*
FROM: joe@senate.gov

TO: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

Governor, I'm sorry you tumbled out of your high chair like you did at our last meeting. You don't have to use multiple exclamation points when you e-mail, by the way. I understand your point without them.
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: joe@senate.gov

Don't you talk back to me Joe!!!!!!! I'm the Randy Johnson of Governors!!!! I'll use as many exclamation points as I want!!!!!!! You better UNDERSTAND I am a STEAMROLLER baby and I'll STEAMROLL all over you!!!!!

I'm a steamroller baby!!!
I'm 'bout to roll all over you!!!
I'm a steamroller baby!!!
I'm 'bout to roll all over you!!!
I'm gonna inject your soul!!!
With sweet rock'n'roll, poor heaven!!!

How do you like them Elvis apples I just quoted Joe?????!!!!!! I'm a churning urn of burning funk!!! You're finished!!! Again!!!
*
FROM: joe@senate.gov

TO: r.milhouse. spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

Governor, please try to calm down. You also don't need to use upper case letters when communicating with me.
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: joe@senate.gov

I'll use UPPER CASE whenever I want, Joe!!!!

Fuc-, er, SCREW YOU. You almost made me curse the way I like to!!!!!!!! I hope you noticed my personal self-control there!!!!!!!!
*
FROM: joe@senate.gov

TO: r.milhouse. spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

Governor, can we please discuss the issues of importance to our fellow New Yorkers?
*
FROM: r.milhouse.spitzer@executive.chamber.infant.gov

TO: joe@senate.gov

I'll tell you what's important and not important Joe!!!!!!!! You just DOUBLED your double secret probation with me after that crack!!!! You're finished!!!!!!!

Hillary

Dear New Yorkers,

You've been had.

You've been had because your junior Senator no longer represents you as she runs for the presidency.

Iowans matter more than you. New Hampshirites matter more than you. Barack Obama's fund-raising numbers matter more than you.

You were told this would happen.

When was the last time you heard your junior Senator address the tax burden in Suffolk County? When do you recall her describing how to help ghostly upstate communities as she campaigns?

You're an afterthought. You're forgotten.

She cares more about her pollsters than she does you.

The charter school movement is the most important and consequential political movement in our state. You don't hear a word from her about it on the stump. Not a syllable of support.

You've been had.

You elected a person with no idea what it was like to buy a Nathan's hot dog on Coney Island. She probably needed a briefing.

You elected a person who couldn't tell you the difference between the suspension spans on the Golden Gate Bridge and our beloved Verrazano Bridge. She probably hired a Brooklyn political consultant to explain it.

You elected a person who never drove by the Big Duck on eastern Long Island. She probably assembled a focus group to describe it on her way to a 2000 Hamptons fund-raiser.

Doesn't it bother you that you've been used like this by an Illinoisan by way of Arkansas who knew nothing about New York, and never speaks about our state as she seeks the Oval Office?

You've been had.

Love, Chris.

The Jimmy Swaggart Poll

The Values Voters straw poll "won" by Gov. Mitt Romney on Saturday in Washington, D.C. was an embarrassment for the Christian conservatives who organized it.

According to The New York Times:

"Anyone who is a member of Family Research Council Action, one of the groups organizing the summit, could vote. Joining the group only requires a $1 donation. Mr. Romney's campaign, as well as others, has been actively encouraging people to vote online. And about 3,500 new people have joined the organization, on top of the existing 5,000 members, in the last few months. Out of the 2,500 attendees of the summit, only 952 out of 5,775 overall actually cast votes in person. But almost 600 of those who attended had already voted online."

Congressman Ron Paul finished third. He "defeated" Mayor Rudy Giuliani, Sen. John McCain and Sen. Fred Thompson.

In any election where human beings go to the polls a Ron Paul doesn't stand a chance against Giuliani, McCain or Thompson. The Paul skill is attracting propeller hat anti-Semites, conspiracy theorist crackpots and obsessive-compulsive supporters on the Internet surfing in from their mother's basement.

Paul's "better than expected" finish will be promoted and hailed by his demented supporters to help him raise another $5 million this quarter.

Congratulations Family Research Council Action. You did a splendid job this weekend with your little straw poll.

The Daily Chichester

Governor Richard Milhouse Spitzer continues to lose support for his scheme to provide driver's licenses to illegal aliens.

The Governor-Infant is searching for a few more Haldemans and Ehrlichmans.

Rudy's speech was a masterpiece

It's getting interesting, finally.

The "Transgendered"

The left excels at inventing new terms you're supposed to understand and immediately accept as a moral absolute.

"Transgendered rights" is before the House of Representatives. I'm still not sure what that means, or why it's supposed to be the new civil rights movement.

I'll try to explain it as succinctly as possible. A man asks a surgeon to remove a part of his anatomy, switches from wearing a suit to a dress at work and "her" employer should be prevented by Federal law from terminating "her" employment even though it raises serious questions about private behavior, decisions and religion.

The homosexual lobby has always failed to understand how they arrogantly compel Americans to judge them once they announce the individuals in their bedrooms. They seek acceptance and approval. If you don't accept and approve their lives you're a bigot, you're intolerant.

Yet, they have no tolerance for faith. The "transgendered" want to force their personal lives on you. If you're a Catholic small business owner your beliefs are irrelevant.

The Anything Goes left and their allies in Congress revel in lecturing Americans to stay out of their bedrooms when it comes to abortion. But in the workplace they want their employers to know exactly who is in their bedrooms. Even for someone who was Jack on Monday and shows up as Jill on Tuesday.

Hillary

Dear New Yorkers,

You are dumb.

You're dumb because you elected a United States Senator from Illinois by way of Arkansas in 2000. She had zero connection to our state. None.

You're witnessing, now, why you're dumb.

She rarely speaks about New York on the campaign trail. Hardly a word. Doesn't that seem odd? Have you even noticed? You understand she represents you, right?

You are dumb.

How many times have you heard her speak about Schenectady, Albany, Buffalo and Riverhead? They are invisible communities as she pursues the presidency.

How often do you hear her address the 2000 campaign promise to prevent New Yorkers from fleeing the state? She's been a United States Senator for over seven years, and the upstate economy continues to deteriorate. Despite what she said during her campaign against Rep. Rick Lazio, she's achieved nothing.

But she can't achieve. Because she's not the Governor of New York.

You're dumb enough not to understand the difference between executive power in a state, and merely being one of 100 votes in the United States Senate.

You knew about the scandals. You ignored it. Because you were star-struck. You wanted a Hollywood Senator, and you got it.

Now you're jilted for a presidential campaign, and you still don't care that you were jilted. You're going to vote for her, again, too.

You are dumb.

It's the state you were born, raised and educated in. Yet you don't care that you've been hustled by The Hustler, and her husband.

Love, Chris.

Michael B. Mukasey, the next Attorney General

"I'm encouraged by the answers."

That's what Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Pat Leahy told reporters after Mukasey's confirmation hearing. It's obvious why.

Mukasey refused to forcefully defend eavesdropping on terrorists and pacified the pacifist left who believe we should be fighting the war on terror with High Tea manners and ACLU fund-raisers.

"I am not familiar with that program," he said when asked about the Terrorist Surveillance Program.

He's not familiar with the program? How is that possible? It's been maliciously attacked by Democrats without access to classified information, and the President's Attorney General nominee has nothing to say about it?

"Excuse me, Mr. Terrorist, sir, and even though you don't wear a uniform, are obsessed with crashing planes into our buildings here in the United States, kill civilians, and cut off heads with a dull knife in your spare time, could you pretty-please-with-sugar-on-top answer a few of our questions if you don't mind?"

That's how Mukasey delivered his opinion about our terrorist tracking and interrogation methods to Sen. Leahy, without speaking the words. It's why the Senator will vote to confirm him, along with with a near-unanimous Senate.

The Catcher of the Phony

Phony of the Week: Senator Hillary Clinton.

Last night in Washington, D.C. she said:

"I'm not interested in attacking anyone. I'm interested in attacking the problems of our country and solving those problems and working together . . .

"I've obviously gotten used to being attacked myself, and I don't mind being attacked."

She "isn't interested in attacking anyone." General David Petraeus would disagree. And she doesn't "mind being attacked." Right. We believe you, Senator.

How To Annoy Chichester VII

By going to the cliche playbook and referring to Social Security as the "third rail" while doing nothing about it.

Rep. Dan Burton in The Hill today laughing uproariously:

"After laughing uproariously at a question about whether it is political [sic] risky to discuss cutting Social Security benefits, Rep. Dan Burton (R-Ind.), a Thompson supporter, said: 'What do you think? Take a wild guess.'

“'Social Security has always been known as the third rail in politics; you don’t touch it,' he added."

A profile in courage.

The Daily Chichester

Michael B. Mukasey groveling before the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Obama the latest candidate to participate in the joke teller primary.

Governor Richard Milhouse Spitzer adding Schenectady to his enemies list.

The Governor-Infant has cost New Yorker's $1.5 million in trying to destroy the career of Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno.

PROVOCATIONS: The Republican Malaise

The House of Representatives has scheduled a vote tomorrow to override President Bush's veto of the 5-year, $35 billion expansion of the State Children's Health Insurance Program. It's the defining domestic policy issue for Republicans because it entails the size, scope and power of the Federal government.

The veto will likely be sustained, but not because of President George W. Bush's feckless leadership. He vetoed the bill in private, and it silently traveled back up Pennsylvania Avenue.

President Bush should have vetoed SCHIP with fanfare and a strong determination to explain why it's bad policy, why it's middle-class welfare and why there are market alternatives.

There was no White House event with health care professionals and experts detailing how this legislation forces children covered by private insurance into government dependency. No attempt whatsoever to communicate directly with the American people, which is what President Ronald Reagan would have done.

Instead, the President sent a signal to Capitol Hill that he didn't want a fight. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Speaker Nancy Pelosi were paying attention, and it's why they now are targeting about 20 Republicans in swing districts, or those known to wilt when the political pressure mounts.

If President Bush doesn't demonstrate the fortitude to veto ill-conceived and harmful legislation publicly, and with no apologies, why should his allies in Congress stand by him?

They should, but aren't.

The Congressional Republican leadership is also a profile in timidity:

“It probably isn’t the fight that we’d want to pick, but it’s a fight they decided to pick,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner.

That one sentence from Rep. Boehner sums up the Jimmy Carter-like Republican malaise on Capitol Hill, and how the party has learned nothing from the pounding they took in last November's election. The SCHIP legislation is one big step toward HillaryCare and Leader Boehner either doesn't know it, or doesn't care.

Why not pick a fight, Mr. Boehner? Why not expose the demagoguery coming from Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid? In a shameful display, they used a 12-year-old child, whose family lives a moderately comfortable life in Maryland, in their official response to President Bush's weekly radio address.

The SCHIP legislation was an opportunity to see how resolute, how determined President Bush and Congressional Republicans could be in advocating market alternatives for health insurance. They've failed. Miserably.

If Republicans can't articulate their opposition to a federal program with the word "children" in it, where the benefits also go to adults, and defend their self-proclaimed beliefs in limited government and freedom, they deserve to be a permanent minority. That will likely prove true next year on Election Day when the conservative base deserts them.

Chichester Edits Statements For Accuracy

Yesterday, Zhang Qingli, China's official spokesthug, condemned President Bush for awarding the Dalai Lama the Congressional Gold Medal:

“Such a person who basely splits his motherland (a totalitarian hell where we run our citizens over with tanks) and doesn’t even love his motherland (the mothers in our 'motherland' are forced to have abortions if they have more than one child) has been welcomed by some countries and has even been receiving this or that award.

“We are furious (we are furious we can't run over the Dalai Lama with a tank right now). If the Dalai Lama can receive such an award, there must be no justice or good people in the world (there must be no barbarians and murderers in the world who agree with us Stalinists).”

The Daily Chichester

Speaker Tracy Flick's Nancy Pelosi's buffoonery leadership shines in the House as she continues to antagonize our ally Turkey.

Governor Richard Milhouse Spitzer's behavior grinds the nominations process to a halt.

The Governor-Infant needs another time-out since he's now
going after Assembly Minority Leader Jim Tedisco.

Last night on HANNITY, HANNITY, HANNITY & colmes, Rudy and Judith spoke about cabinet meetings.

Worthless Polls

I'm tired of polls. In fact, I'm disgusted by polls. Yesterday Siena College released a poll matching up Gov. Eliot Spitzer with Mayor Michael Bloomberg for a gubernatorial race that is over three years away. The poll claims Gov. Spitzer "trails" Mayor Bloomberg 50-37 percent.

Anything can happen in politics to bolster or destroy a career in the eternity that is three years. Three years from now Gov. Spitzer could be completely recovered from his attempt to destroy the career of Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno. Three years from now Mayor Bloomberg may have an arrest record for assaulting a smoker, or, even worse, a trans fat Oreo cookie.

Moreover, Mayor Bloomberg has shown no interest - at all - in being New York's next Governor. So what's the point of conducting such a poll? To promote Siena College, and manufacture news that is not news by any standard.

Siena College aspires to and does achieve greatness as an educational institution. Unfortunately, their most recent poll wallowed in political speculation and was an embarrassing exercise in nothingness.

Sen. Craig Has Another C-SPAN Caller Moment

AP: Craig Opens Another Legal Battle

Senator Fred Thompson

Politics will break your heart and your hope in half if you let it. Committing wholly to a candidate or an incumbent oftentimes leaves the sting of disappointment and dismay.

The Republican "revolutionaries" who won the Congressional majority in November, 1994 became ideologically and ethically unrecognizable long before the American people rightly turned them out of office.

While I hoped Senator Thompson would enter the presidential race, it was not with the level of enthusiasm displayed by others. Now that his campaign is stalled in mediocrity, platitudes and serious questions about his desire to win the Oval Office, some of his supporters are distraught.

They have a larger problem.

Senator Thompson's physical appearance, a superficial yet powerful barometer the American people use to evaluate a candidate, is troubling. He does not look well. In his films, he looks presidential and commanding. On the campaign trail, he does not. For example, the first answer he delivered in last week's debate was unsteady, to put it mildly.

Perhaps he can recover. Senator Thompson has the leadership skills and the judgement to serve as our president. But it's looking more and more remote.